Recognition and Acceptance
by dilero
Summary: An optional view of S3 occurences.  Characters are the property of ABC Studios Production.  I own nothing.  Chapter 12.
1. Chapter 1

**RECOGNITION and ACCEPTANCE**

As they exited the hospital following their questioning of select hospital personnel regarding the murder of one of the staff physicians, Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle slowly moved through the parking lot toward Kate's vehicle. An awkward silence shrouded their journey. As they approached her car, Rick noticed a cluster of tables and benches that were used by staff, patients and visitors for outdoor dining and relaxation. Breaking the silence, Rick directed a request to her.

"Kate, can we sit for a minute before you go back to the precinct?"

"Can't we just sit in the car?' she replied.

"I'd rather sit outside, if that is acceptable to you."

"Uh, …...I guess, sure."

As they moved toward one of the tables that was somewhat removed from the rest and took seats opposite of one another, Rick began to speak in a soft, but assured tone, "I want to say that I'm sorry for the way that I spoke to you about Josh and his profession. It was insensitive and petty. I apologize."

Rick continued, "Kate, I'm sorry that I have to admit this, …...but I'm jealous. Before I met you I don't think there was one time in my life that I was jealous of anyone or anything. Since being around you, counting on one hand is not even enough to calculate the number of times that I have been jealous. I was jealous of Will because at one time he had your heart. He was a fool to treat that gift in a cavalier manner. I was jealous of the fireman because he got to pick you up at your apartment and take you to a fine restaurant and share a dining experience with you."

"I was certainly jealous of Tom. Having to witness the growth of your relationship with him was one of the most difficult things that I have ever encountered. Hell, I was jealous of Madison. As I plied her with question after question in an attempt to learn more about you, I began to envy her time with the young Kate Beckett."

"To hear you speak the words 'I was in love with you', tore at my heart more than the kisses that I witnessed with Will and Tom. What the true meaning of that relationship might have been is none of my business, it's just the spoken words to someone else that shattered my soul. And now, my jealousy of your involvement with Josh has caused me to say things to you in a petulant manner. My mother told me that for all of her shortcomings, 'she had at least raised a good man'. Well, a good man would not do what I just did. I'm sorry, Kate."

He had not been able to make constant eye contact with Kate. The occasional glances found her eyes either looking at him or staring off in space. Rick feared that if he tried to make continuous eye contact then he would not be able to prevent something from developing in his own.

"Kate, please believe me that my jealousy has nothing to do with trust. It solely applies to the fact of wanting you and loving you for so long now and not being able to measure up. I have, do and will trust you with my life. More importantly, I trust you with the life of Alexis' father, a factor that is so much more infinitely precious than me alone."

"I'm obviously not dealing with all of this very well at the moment, so to make sure that I don't continue to do or say things for which I have to apologize for, I think that it's best for me not to be around all of the time. I'll gladly respond to any request that you or the others might make to assist with talking about a case, but my everyday appearance at the precinct should end at this time. I will work hard to try to be a better person in the future, but for now I'm not doing either one of us any good. I hate this, Kate, but at the same time I'm happy for you and I hope that this will bring you what you are looking for."

"I'm not going to go back with you to the precinct. There is another situation that I have a responsibility to address, and the sooner I do that the sooner everyone can move on with their lives. Be safe, Kate. I hope that we might talk to one another in the near future."

With that Rick left the table and made his way to the hospital entrance in hopes of hailing a taxi. Having not uttered a word during this entire occurrence, Kate remained seated at the table staring into the distant clouds.

Successfully garnering a cab, Rick gave the driver the address for 7th and Madison Avenue. Reaching their destination, Rick paid the driver, exited the taxi and entered the building in which _Black Pawn_ _Publishing_ was located. Arriving at the reception area, he was enthusiastically greeted as usual by the staff of the publishing house. He asked the receptionist if it was possible for him to speak with Gina Cowell. He apologized for not having an appointment, but the meeting would not take up much of her time. A quick check by the receptionist led to an immediate response for Rick to proceed to Gina's office.

Entering her office, Rick apologized for intruding, but Gina assured him that it was no problem at all. The only problem, as Gina might have been able to discern, was the disheartened countenance that was ever so present on her former husband and current companion. As they silently moved to the couch in the seating area of the office, Rick began to speak.

"Gina, I need to tell you that the personal side of our relationship must come to an end. I'm sorry that it has to be that way, but in all fairness to you I can't allow you to think that I have rekindled deep emotional feelings for you, or for us. Please believe me, this is all my responsibility, it is nothing that you have done. I appreciate the support that you gave me this past summer. It enabled me to finish _NAKED HEAT_. Something that I thought that I would not be able to do. And, as it turns out, I guess we have created another best seller. We have always been able to muddle our way through a quite productive professional relationship. Perhaps, we should have always left it at that."

In a manner which exemplified an understanding that this conversation was inevitable, Gina responded, "Have you told her that you love her?"

"Gina, that's not...

Interrupting, she offered, "Richard, I know that you didn't come here to talk about your Detective, but you did come because of what you feel for her. You want to end our dating, or personal relationship, whatever you want to call it because you cannot clear her from your mind. I know that when you are in a relationship that you commit yourself to it. I've already experienced that with you. You obviously have an opportunity to finally be with her, so it's necessary for you to end whatever it is you want to call our involvement. I'm not blind, Richard, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one that sees the connection between the two of you."

"Gina, what you're saying is accurate, but the circumstance is not true. I'm not in a position to be with Kate, and very likely never will be. I know what is in my heart, and I don't want to give you, or anyone else the impression that special place is unoccupied."

"So, you haven't told her you love her, that you want her."

"In a somewhat indirect way I have, but it was couched in an explanation of another subject matter. It's really none of our business Gina, but she is involved with someone. Besides, I have never been given the impression that she wants to hear those words coming from me, or that those words would ever be returned in kind. My purpose for being here is to make sure that I'm honest with you about our relationship and the fact that it will be solely professional from now on. I hope that you understand and realize that this is my responsibility. You deserve better than to be with someone who cannot be emotionally committed to you."

"Richard, I may not like the fact that this conversation is taking place, but it's not like I couldn't see it coming at some point. You don't have to apologize for being forthcoming with me, it sure as hell beats what a lot of other people might do in this situation. I like our professional relationship, and the occasional personal time together has been nice as well. I will miss that. I don't know what the future of your heart might be, but I'm sure that when we do get together professionally I will be able to check its status through your eyes. Thanks for being upfront about all of this."

As he rose to leave, Rick put his arms around Gina and pressed his lips onto the top of her head. In a paradoxical way, the embrace seemed to bring closure to the separation.

Leaving the building, Rick hailed another taxi to return him to his loft. His heart and mind were consumed with the woman he loved, but he felt somewhat relieved that he had at least done the proper things that would live up to his mother's words. Where to go from here was a question that may forever linger. Writing was his profession, but it can also allow for a cathartic experience to take place. Perhaps that is what will provide an outlet for his anguish.

As he entered the elevator of his building, he knew that he would have to share what had taken place with his mother and Alexis. For some reason it seemed that at this point everyone connected to him had to be on the same page. No misconceptions, no pretense, no conjecture, just facts. If you are going to hurt, you might as well make sure that there are not other extraneous things to complicate your life. As he exited the elevator and turned the corner to approach the door of his loft, the sight provided the most complicated thing in his life.

As he approached Kate leaning against the wall beside his front door, she brought her head up from looking at the floor. As he got within reach of her she straightened her posture and looked directly into his eyes.

With an open hand she smacked his shoulder with considerable force. Falling backward from the blow, Rick could only watch as she walked past him toward the elevator, her eyes never leaving his as she softly spoke, "You are a fucking idiot."


	2. Chapter 2

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_As he exited the elevator and turned the corner to approach the door of his loft, the sight provided the most complicated thing in his life._

_As he approached Kate leaning against the wall beside his front door, she brought her head up from looking at the floor. As he got within reach of her she straightened her posture and looked directly into his eyes._

_With an open hand she smacked his shoulder with considerable force. Falling backward from the blow, Rick could only watch as she walked past him toward the elevator, her eyes never leaving his as she softly spoke, "You are a fucking idiot."_

Rick stood there leaning against the wall of the corridor trying to understand what had just taken place. He righted himself and moved down the hallway in an attempt to catch her before she entered the elevator. As he turned the corner the elevator doors were closing.

_What have I done now? I apologized for my behavior. I told her that I wouldn't bother her anymore. I genuinely told her that I was happy for her and that I hoped that she was finding what she truly wanted. What had I missed? What is it I was supposed to do? What am I supposed to do now?_

With all of these questions racing through his head, Rick returned to his front door and entered the loft. Martha and Alexis were scheduled to return home from the theatre and school around 3:00pm, and it was now just shortly after 2:30pm. He tossed his keys on the table beside the door and proceeded to the bar by the kitchen entrance. Pouring a substantial amount of bourbon into an ice cube filled glass, he crossed the living room and entered his study, closing the door behind him.

As Rick peered out the window at the neighborhood of his Tribeca residence, he began to suffer the onslaught of what is the bane of every male, especially one that had been given the gift of an overly creative imagination, _visions_. True visions of her kissing others, imagined visions of her love for another and projected visions of her making love to someone else. The alcohol was not nearly a strong enough antidote to remove their presence, or even ease the pain that was ripping his insides apart. The body's natural response to the suffering began to develop in his eyes and the ache in his head seemed to reverberate against the walls of his skull.

Rick slowly drifted from the window and reclined into his desk chair. From his chair he continued to gaze out the window, while at times closing his eyes to fight off the visions and stifle the tears. After what seemed like an eternity, he could hear the door of the loft open and close, and the shuffling of feet through the living room. Soon, a knock came at the door to the study.

"Richard, are you in there?" his mother queried.

After a slight pause, he replied, "Yes Mother, you can come in."

Walking in to the somewhat darkened room, Martha and Alexis encountered the sullen figure of their son and father slumped in the chair behind his desk. Alexis was the first to speak.

"Dad, what's going on? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine pumpkin. Just thinking about a few things. How was school today?"

"School was fine, but that is hardly of any importance right at the moment."

As the two moved closer to the desk, they both could easily determine the fact that Rick had been crying and his body language easily displayed his state of resignation. "Richard, darling, did something happen?" Martha questioned.

In an attempt to hold off the inevitable need to offer an explanation, Rick tried to state in a lighthearted manner, "Just contemplating my navel, I guess."

"Dad, quit that. Quit trying to hide behind one liners, or retreating into yourself. I hate it when you do that. If there is something wrong just tell us. Did something happen with Kate?"

"Why would you ask that?" he said as he moved out of his chair and back to the window.

"Oh, Richard, please. There isn't anyone that can effect you this much other than Kate."

As he turned to face them he asked, "What about Gina. I've been seeing her off and on for a while now. Why wouldn't you ask about her?"

In the span of less than an hour, a second female struck him in the shoulder with her open hand. "QUIT IT, Dad. Grams and I are not stupid. Just because you are blind, or choose to be blind about what is so painfully obvious between you and Kate, doesn't mean the rest of us are. Now, what happened?"

"I...uh...Kate is...uh...involved with someone at the moment. We were talking, or bantering, or whatever, and before I knew about that involvement I was overly glib in some of my comments. Then she revealed the depth of her relationship with this person, and it...uh...crushed me. Then she directed a comment toward me that...uh...coupled with the first revelation caused additional pain. I shouldn't have said the things I did, and I have no right to be jealous, but I was, I am."

"After we had finished the business that we were doing, I took her aside and apologized for what I had done. I told her that I was sorry, and I also revealed that I was...uh...jealous. I told her, as well, that I had no right to be, and that I was apparently not handling this feeling very well. I apologized for that failure, and told her that it would probably be best that I stay away for awhile until I was better equipped to handle my feelings and thus be better prepared to interact with her. I guess I did throw in there somewhere that the jealousy was the outgrowth of how much I loved her and wanted her, likely another thing that I should not have said."

Martha started to interject, "Well...

"Please, Mother let me finish while I can. Kate didn't say anything during all of this, and I didn't return with her to the precinct. Knowing what I felt at that moment, I knew that I had to take care of another situation."

"Mother, you said that you may have made a lot of mistakes in your life, but at least you had raised a good man. Well, I failed to live up to those words earlier today, and I tried to make amends with Kate, and then I went to deal with my relationship with Gina. I met with Gina and told her that I was not being fair to her regarding trying to rekindle some form of personal relationship when all of my thoughts and feelings revolved around someone else. I ended any personal relationship with her, but maintained our professional one. It's was odd to me, I guess not to you two, that she brought up Kate as well. I told her that I wasn't doing this because I was about to start a relationship with Kate, because I have no evidence that Kate would ever want me, and in fact she was already involved with someone else."

"Richard, sweetheart, I'm sorry. You and Kate may be the epitome of star crossed lovers, and I understand how this is hurting you. Don't be foolish and think that you are not a good man because you make a mistake here and there. I never said I raised a perfect man because none of us is perfect. I also can't tell you that this will all sort itself out because life is simply not fair. I'm sorry for what happened, but I'm proud that you didn't shrink from the responsibility you felt that you had, and did something about it."

"Daddy, I love you. I love Kate, just like Grams does. I know enough to know that my discovery with Ashley may indeed be puppy love, but when it is the first time it seems to be a whole lot more. I can't imagine what it is like to be a full grown adult and have to deal with what the two of you deal with. It is obviously hard on you, but I wouldn't doubt that it is hard for Kate as well."

Contemplating his daughter's words, Rick stated, "I guess that is just one of the things that I don't understand. First, why aren't you dealing with the Gina factor as much as the Kate factor? Second, I understand how you would love Kate, she is an incredible woman deserving of your love, but she has never given me any reason to believe that she loves and wants me, you make it seem that she has told you that she does. And third, and this is something I really don't understand, when I came back home after meeting with Gina, Kate was waiting by our front door. When I approached her, she smacked me in the shoulder just like you just did, Alexis, and looked me right in the eye and told me I was a...uh...a...

"A what, Dad?"

"Well, she said I was an effing idiot, and then she walked away."

"It's just a word, Dad. I don't use it, but it doesn't mean that I haven't heard it."

"Kiddo, let me tell you something. You are a grown man. It is not the business of Alexis and me to tell you who you can be involved with. If you try to force someone on us I'm sure that we would give you feedback, but ultimately it is going to be your decision. Gina is a fine woman, but you have already answered your own question as to what really means something to you, and that is Kate. As far as I know, Kate has never directly said to us that she loves and wants you. However, the eyes are the window to the soul. Those green eyes are filled with emotion for you. If the two of you would just get out of your own way you both could see it. And lastly, your daughter didn't smack you because she was trying to cause harm, or rebelling physically against her father, she wanted you to know that she loved you and she wanted you to open up to her so she could help alleviate the pain that you are in right now. Perhaps what you did with Kate today made her realize how much she meant to you and her response was to let you know that you were an effing idiot if you thought that she couldn't possibly think the same way about you."

Figuratively throwing up his hands, Rick responded, "That's just not possible. How the hell am I supposed to figure that out? Alexis I told you the other night that I agreed that love is a difficult thing to deal with, but come on I haven't got a chance in trying to figure that kind of thing out, and I deal with mysteries everyday."

At that moment, Rick's cell phone chimed. He took it from his pocket and the caller id signified that Kate was calling. He tossed the phone on his desk and turned back to the window.

Alexis asked, "Whose calling?"

"It's Kate."

"Well, answer it."

"And do what? I tried to do everything that would handle what happened today, what else can I possibly do but dig myself into another hole?"

The phone had quit chiming, but was replaced by a ding that signified an incoming text message. A message from Kate.

_**Answer your damn phone.**_

Moments later the phoned chimed again.

"Come on Alexis let's go see about dinner. Richard, answer the damn phone."

Reluctantly, Rick returned to sit at his desk and answered his phone, "Hello."

"It's me. Why didn't you answer the first time?"

"Maybe it's because I'm a fucking idiot."

"If that were the case, you would have never answered any of my other calls over the past two years."

"Alright, just tell me what I've done now and I'll try to make it right."

"God, if I didn't love Alexis so much I would kill you right now. Just get your ass over here."

"Over where?"

"I'm at my apartment."

"Why am I supposed to come to your apartment?"

"Because I would like for us to talk, and I don't want to come back over there while Alexis and Martha are around."

"Not that I have understood anything else today, but I don't know what I can say that I already haven't said. I'm sorry for how I acted. I apologize. I won't bother you any more. What else can I do."

"You can get your ass over here, that's what you can do."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Because I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I...uh...don't know where you live."


	3. Chapter 3

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

"_You can get your ass over here, that's what you can do."_

"_I can't."_

"_What do you mean you can't?"_

"_Because I can't."_

"_Why can't you?"_

"_Because I...uh...don't know where you live."_

That fact seemed to hit her like a slap in the face. _My God, I'd never told him where I'd found a temporary sublet. Did I do that on purpose, or did it just get lost in the shuffle during all of the activity of this past spring?_

"Uh...it's a sublet that I found after I left the loft. It's at the corner of 2nd Avenue and East 14th Street. Third floor, apartment 3B."

"Alright, I'll be there shortly. I've been filling Mother and Alexis in on what happened today, so I'll need to let them know where I'm going. Bye."

"Okay, bye."

Walking out of his building following telling Alexis and his mother where he was going, he hailed a cab and gave the driver the address for Kate's apartment building. _I don't understand what this is going to be about. I haven't seen her since she left earlier today, I couldn't possibly have done anything else wrong._

Paying the driver, Rick exited the taxi and entered the building. As he got off the elevator he looked to see if he could determine which way he should turn to follow the sequence of the apartment numbers. He recognized that moving left out of the elevator would bring him to apartment 3B. He lightly tapped on the door.

Kate opened the door and left it open as she moved back into the living room area. Rick stood outside the door uncertain as to whether he was supposed to enter.

Realizing that he hadn't made a move from his position in the hallway, she said, "You can come in Castle. Please close the door behind you."

Doing as he was asked, he simply said, "Hello."

"Doesn't compare to the place I moved out of to come here does it?"

"It looks very tasteful and homey, Kate. You've done a nice job with what the owners left you to work with."

"Thank you."

"Kate, I really don't know the purpose for me being here. I thought that I had apologized for everything I did, and I told you I wouldn't bother you. I just don't understand."

"God, you're insufferable sometimes. Why didn't you call?"

"You just hit me and told me that I was a fucking idiot, why would I think you would accept a phone call from me?"

"DAMN IT, not now, this summer. Why didn't you call?"

"What? This summer. Why are we talking about that?"

"Just answer the question."

"I didn't call because I was doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, not being around so that things would not be awkward for you. I guess I associated calling or any other type of contact as being somewhat like being there. The same goes for contacting Esposito and Ryan. They were your team and I didn't think that I should intrude."

Bristling at his statement, she replied, "You left because you didn't want things to be awkward. My mother left me because someone murdered her, you left because of awkwardness... Doesn't take much to interfere with your little perfect world does it?"

"That's not fair, Kate. It was you that used the word awkward to describe the situation. I'll admit why I left, and I did it with you this morning. I apologized for not being able to deal with watching the two of you, seeing the two of you kiss and nuzzle one another. I was jealous. I had no right to be because you have never had any interest in me on a personal level, but...Jesus, what the hell are we doing this for? What do you want from me?"

Startled by his words, she stuttered, "You saw Tom and I kiss?"

Turning away from her because he knew what effect the resurrecting of that vision would evoke, Rick replied, "Yes, I had the distinct misfortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time to see you and TOM. I got to see your kiss. I got to see your beautiful smile as you leaned into him afterward. He's a fellow detective, and you all call one another by your last names or your title, but no, he gets to be TOM. I'm just Castle. I'm just the annoying tag along. I wanted to be Rick to you. I wanted you. I loved you. I was trying to pay attention to the things that made a difference to you so that I could possibly someday make a difference to you. I didn't leave you or abandon you, I got out of your circle of associates so you wouldn't have to, in YOUR words, feel awkward about what was taking place."

"Don't you know that I was in the middle of telling you that I wanted to take a chance on us when your ex-wife waltzed in?"

Stunned by this revelation, Rick answered, "How the hell would I have ever thought that. For over a year it seemed like the most you did on a personal level was tolerate me. For the month prior to my going to the beach house, you were outwardly dismissive of me and certainly insensitive in your words to me. Jesus, you lied to me. You lied when you didn't even have to, you could have just said no to my request. I knew that I didn't mean anything to you, but I never thought that you would lie to me. So no, I had no idea that you were about to accept my invitation."

"Your telling me that right now you have no idea of how much you mean to me. And I'm not talking about professionally, I mean how much you are in my heart."

"You've got to be kidding me. Where was I supposed to get that from. You don't tell me anything. You don't give me any signs. If that is what you mean by calling me a fucking idiot because I can't figure it out, then yes I'm a fucking idiot. For all I know you may be dating Tom and Josh at this moment. After you questioned me about my relationship, I asked you about yours. You dismissed the question and didn't even offer to answer it. Kate, I have never lied to you and I never would. Hell, I tell you things that I don't even have to. Gina was not part of the equation in the spring. Yes, she went with me to the Hamptons because of our conversation on the evening prior to my last day. We talked about my lack of writing over the previous weeks, and the personal turmoil that I was going through. You were not mentioned directly, but just like this afternoon it, I guess, has always been apparent to her that you were a vital part of anything that had to do with my life. Did we try to rekindle a personal relationship? Yes. Was it going anywhere? No. And that is not the fault of Gina, that is totally on me. When I ended our personal relationship this afternoon, I told her that I could not in good faith allow her to think that she would ever have my heart, and that our connection would only be professional."

Rick's response was stifled by a knocking at the apartment door. Kate moved to answer the door, but her eyes remained fixated on Rick. Opening the door, Josh moved into the apartment and gathered her into an embrace, kissing her neck and then moving his lips to meet hers. As Kate began to move away, Josh spoke.

"Hi. I just left the hospital and I thought we could go out for dinner. Does that sound...

As Josh looked over Kate's head he could see Rick standing in the living room. It was only then that he took notice of the pained expressions on both their faces. He moved his head to directly look at Rick and greeted him, "Hello."

Rick responded with a nod of his head, "Doctor."

"Kate, am I interrupting something?"

"Uh...no...uh, I just was not expecting you tonight."

"Tonight? Does that mean that when I'm not around, he is. I thought you said you felt nothing for him because of the way he treated you last spring."

Kate tried to put the proper words together, "Well...

As Rick began to move toward the door he looked directly into her eyes, "I guess that explains why everyone was angry with me when you brought me into the precinct last month. It wasn't enough to lie to me, you had to lie about me."

From his position of looking directly at Kate, the fist completely blindsided him as it struck his jawbone. Blood splattered across the area rug as Rick fell flat on his back on the hardwood floor.

"JOSH, what the hell are you doing?"

"Well, I wasn't going to allow this clown to call you a liar."

"He didn't call me a liar. He...Castle, are you alright?"

Using his handkerchief in an attempt to stop the blood flowing from his mouth, Rick pushed himself off the floor and crossed the room to leave the apartment. Kate attempted to reach for him, but he silently left, shutting the door behind him.

As the door shut, Josh turned to Kate, "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"There's nothing going on. We were just talking. Forget it. I think you better leave now."

"You don't want to go out for dinner?"

"No, not tonight." She moved to open the apartment door.

"Kate?"

"Not now, Josh. Good night."

Kate went to the kitchen to get some aerosol cleaner to spray on the blood splatter that had reached the area rug. Tears forming in her eyes as she attempted to wipe away Rick's blood. Even without Josh showing up, things had not gone as she had planned. She removed the clothing that she had worn that day to work, and stepped into her bathtub shower. As she lathered her body with the cherry scented bath wash, the thoughts of her plans and their meeting flooded her mind.

_I want you to quit apologizing and quit backing away from me every time something __happens. I'm not going to break. You're so scared of losing me you forget about trying to win me. It would be awful to say out loud, but I like it that you're jealous. I'm not trying to make you jealous, but the fact that you get that way only makes it clearer to me how much I mean to you. Although I have to say that I love it, I wasn't expecting you to do what you did with Gina today. You're not all to blame for this. It's like I love you so much, I can't tell you. I know that I don't show you that I love you, but I'm afraid. You told me twice today that you wanted me and loved me, but the thought that those words were said in the past tense scares the hell out of me. Did we miss our chance? I know that you would never lie to me, and I didn't mean to lie to you. I just let it happen, just like I let people think that you had purposely hurt me, and I don't know what I can say about what I told Josh. Maybe I was just trying to get past talking about you. There are no excuses for any of it, just responsibility, and that's mine. Damn it, I just want you not to leave me._

Drying off from her shower, Kate grabs some casual clothing from her closet and begins to dress. _I'm not going to bed until you know that we need to continue to talk. That both of us have to make an effort to understand our fears. I can't do this over the phone, so I am coming to you._

Kate found herself standing outside the door to the loft for the second time that day. She lightly rapped on the door and Alexis opened it with a surprised look, "Kate, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, Lex, is this a bad time?"

"No, it's not that, where's Dad? We thought he was with you at your apartment."

"What? He left my place well over an hour ago. I thought that he would be coming back here."

"Did you two have another fight?"

"Well,...we didn't fight necessarily, I just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page about some things. Can we try his cell phone?"

Martha descended the stairs, greeting Kate as she entered the living room, "Hello, darling, where's Richard?"

"That's what were trying to find out, Grams. Kate said he left her place over an hour ago, and I've tried his cell and it says that the phone is out of the area, or is turned off. Kate, did he go to your place by cab, or did he use his car service?"

"I really don't know, Alexis. I wasn't looking out the window when he arrived, or when he left."

As they tried to determine their next option, the land line telephone at the loft rang. Martha left the others to go to Rick's study to answer the call, "Hello."

The voice from the other end inquired, "Is this Ms. Martha Rodgers?"

"Yes it is. Whose calling please?"

"Ms. Rodgers, I'm calling on behalf of your son, Richard Castle. He wanted me to make sure I told you that he is alright before I tell you why I'm calling. He didn't want you to be concerned. Okay."

"Yes, I guess, but what is this about?"

"Ms. Rodgers, my name is Patty Sinclair. I'm the charge nurse for the Orthopedic Unit here at Presbyterian Hospital. Your son was walking home from an appointment earlier this evening and he fell. Evidently the wind was whipping along 2nd Avenue and he had placed both of his hands in his pockets to gather his jacket more tightly around him. He tripped stepping off a curb and he was unable to brace against the impact of the fall with his hands. He landed squarely on the left side of his face and he suffered a broken jaw. He is resting comfortably at the moment, but his jaw has been immobilized in preparation for the surgery that will be required to repair the damage. He is unable to speak at this time and we are just hand writing notes back and forth in order to communicate. That is why I'm calling you."

"Dear Lord. Is he in much pain? Can we see him?"

"He's on a morphine drip right at the moment, so the pain factor is being minimized. Since it's Mr. Castle, we have set him up in a private area of the hospital. You are welcome to see him, but with the fact that he can't communicate right now and the presence of the morphine in his system, you won't get much response from him. I realize that you will want to see him just to make sure that he will be okay, so if you would like to come over to the hospital, I will send one of my staff to meet you in the lobby. I want to prepare you for the fact that he's not going to look very good at the moment. Both an orthopedic surgeon and a plastic surgeon have been scheduled to do the necessary procedures tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Ms. Sinclair. We will be right over. Goodbye."

Martha returned to the living room, and immediately instructed Alexis to get her coat. With the obvious concern in her voice, Alexis asked, "Grams, what's going on?"

"We're going to have to go the hospital. Your father fell walking down 2nd Avenue, and has broken his jaw. They're going to have to do surgery in the morning. His jaw is immobilized so he can't talk, but they're going to let us see him this evening." As she moved to the coat rack by the door, Martha caught sight of Kate's ashen face, "Sweetheart, what is it?"


	4. Chapter 4

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

"_We're going to have to go the hospital. Your father fell walking down 2nd Avenue, and has broken his jaw. They're going to have to do surgery in the morning. His jaw is immobilized so he can't talk, but they're going to let us see him this evening." As she moved to the coat rack by the door, Martha caught sight of Kate's ashen face, "Sweetheart, what is it?"_

"Kate?

"What?...uh...I'm sorry Martha, what did you say?"

"I said that Richard has fallen and broken his jaw. He's at Presbyterian Hospital and they are going to let us see him this evening. They have scheduled him for surgery in the morning."

"Jesus...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Is he in much pain?"

"Well, the nurse said that they had his jaw immobilized and he is on a morphine drip, so I would imagine there must be at least a sufficient amount of pain. I guess we'll find out more when we get there."

"Oh...right. You all better get going then."

"Kiddo, I don't know what's going on with you and Richard, but you have to know that Alexis and I want you to go with us, if you want. Whatever it is that you two can't figure out doesn't change the fact that my granddaughter and I love you and consider you to be part of this family. You may not want to hear that, but that's just the way it is."

Putting on her jacket, Alexis stood face to face with Kate, "She's right, Kate, that is just the way it is. Don't think Dad doesn't know how we feel, because he does, and he couldn't be happier that we see the same qualities in you and feel the same about you as he does. We're certainly not going to force you, but please come with us, Kate."

"I really don't think I shou...

Putting her arm around Kate's back, Martha barked out the order, "Open the door Alexis, lets get going."

The taxi dropped them off at the main entrance to Presbyterian Hospital and they entered through the massive sliding glass doors. As they proceeded through the lobby area a young woman dressed in hospital garb moved to greet them.

"Ms. Rodgers, Ms. Castle, uh...Ms., …...oh my God..., are you 'the' Detective Kate Beckett."

"I am Detective Beckett," Kate responded.

"I'm sorry," the young woman said. "My name is Debra Chandler, I'm an RN in the Orthopedic unit. Patty Sinclair sent me here to escort you to the area where Mr. Castle is being treated. I apologize, Mr. Castle is the first VIP that I have been assigned to. We have special instructions as to how we are to deal with VIP families, which don't include acting all giddy about meeting someone. Please forgive me."

"That's quite alright, Debra, don't think any thing of it." Kate replied.

"Thank you. If you'll follow me, we can go right up to Mr. Castle's room. Patty will meet us there, and she can give you an updated report of his condition. Right this way."

Nurse Chandler led the three ladies through the lobby to a segregated pair of elevators. They rode one of the elevators to the fourth floor where the door opened revealing a quite elegantly decorated waiting area. The somewhat cool decor of the lobby area had been replaced by the warmth of deep colored furnishings, wall coverings and plush carpeting. The nurse directed them to the sitting area, and informed them that she would go and tell Ms. Sinclair that they had arrived.

Shortly, a strikingly attractive and physically fit woman approached them from the patient unit doorway. She greeted Martha first, "Ms. Rodgers, I'm Patty Sinclair. I'm who you spoke with on the phone."

Martha responded, "How do you do, Ms. Sinclair. This is Richard's daughter, Alexis, and this is Kate Beckett."

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you. I'm sorry for the circumstances, but at least we're not going to be talking about a life threatening situation, just a very painful and inconvenient one. Ms. Beckett, I'm sorry for Debbie's failure to follow protocol with you, she's quite embarrassed by her actions. Please accept our apologies. Should I address you as Ms. Beckett, or Detective?"

Somewhat embarrassed herself about being singled out, Kate replied, "Please, don't think anything about. I don't deal with being recognized very well myself sometimes. Just call me Kate."

"That being said, please just call me, Patty. Mr. Castle is going to be with us for a little while, so making it less formal will benefit all of us. Is that alright with you Ms. Rodgers, Ms. Castle?

"Absolutely," Martha responded.

"Okay. Well, I need to ask some questions. Mr. Castle was able to give us his personal physician's name and we have sent for his office's medical records. We asked Mr. Castle as many 'yes or no' medical history questions as we possibly could because of his inability to speak. Is there anything in his medical history that you know of that might need to be explained in greater detail?"

After a thoughtful reflection, Martha stated, "Nothing that I can think of. He was healthy as a child and that hasn't changed through his adult life. His publishing house maintains a life insurance policy on him that requires yearly physicals, and there has never been any cause for concern. Richard maintains private health insurance coverage for himself, Alexis and me. I must say other than that, we don't come into contact with the medical profession other than the fund raising benefits that Richard sometimes attends."

"Yes, Martha, we are gratefully aware of Mr. Castle's contributions to this hospital and the other hospitals in Manhattan. Please don't take that to mean that he is being given preferential treatment only because of his celebrity status and his contributions, it's merely the fact that we try to take special care of 'our own', so to speak. That's one of the reasons that Debbie was so embarrassed. She got her BSN through a scholarship that was funded by one of Mr. Castle's grants, and her younger sister is now in the law school at Columbia University as the result of a memorial trust fund that Mr. Castle had established there."

Kate thought her heart was going to jump out of her chest at those words. _What the hell does that mean? How do I not know about that?_

Patty continued, "Let me tell you a little about what will take place tomorrow. Martha, I told you that an orthopedic surgeon and a plastic surgeon would be involved in the procedures. In fact, and this is a mouthful, an oral & maxillofacial surgeon will be doing the bulk of the surgery, and the plastic surgeon will be present to handle any side issues that might arise. They want to make sure that they do everything possible to return Mr. Castle's facial structure to normal. That's asking a lot, but that's their goal. The O&M surgeon is excellent. I've worked with her on several occasions."

Martha interrupted, "Patty, please, since we are trying to be not so formal would you mind referring to my son as Rick instead of Mr. Castle. He may be Richard to me, but to most people he is Rick. Mr. Castle is just starting to wear on me a little. I'm sorry, I'm an old woman, humor me, please."

Chuckling, Patty replies, "No sorrys, Rick it is."

"Okay, what they will do with Rick is, since it is the left side of the jawbone, they will set the bone and then wire the bone to the teeth on the right side of his mouth. There may, or may not be some elastic bands involved, it just depends on what they find. The last thing you want to have happen is for the patient to aspirate, or vomit into their mouth and not be able to rid themselves of the substance. Right now we have a suction tube in place to take care of that situation. Rick is going to be with us for a bit, but not for the six to eight weeks that it will take for the initial healing. A liquid diet is what he will be facing during that period. Outside chance of some soft foods, but mainly liquids. We will go over all of this during his stay here. I know that this has come out of the blue to all of you, but we will do everything we can to take care of it. I guess once you look deeply into the circumstance, it could have been much worse."

Hanging onto every word that Patty was saying, Alexis jumped in, "How could it have been worse?"

"Well, Rick is around 6'3'' tall, the curb is likely six to eight inches in height. So a fall from around seven feet, without anything easing the impact, onto a reinforced surface could certainly have caused this type of injury. I can't remember whether that part of 2nd Avenue is concrete or asphalt, but either way it would have been a coarse surface, there should have been some abrasions on his cheek, his ear or the left side of his forehead, not to mention the amount of blood that would have been released. He was virtually covered with it when he walked into the ER. He easily could have suffered a concussion. We found nothing other than the blood. That part just confuses me a little. I think we should be happy that we don't have to take care of those injuries as well."

_DAMN IT._

Martha looked toward Kate, "Darling, did you have a question?"

Startled out of her thoughts, she responded, "Uh...no...I was just trying to process all of this. Sorry."

"Why don't I quit talking here and let you see Rick for a few minutes," Patty offered. "Remember, he's not going to look very good right now. He will be flat on his back. There will be bandages that will run from under his chin to over his head to immobilize his jaw. There will be a suction tube in place. His eyes will be somewhat glazed over from the morphine. By this point his ability to write will be hampered, also from the morphine. You may have to 'decode' some of his written answers to you. We have 'yes' and 'no' cards for him to point to should you ask him those kinds of questions. Everybody on the same page?"

The three nodded their understanding.

As they moved from the sitting area toward the patient ward, Patty addressed Martha, "Martha, I will say for a mystery writer your son does have a keen sense of humor. Before the morphine was introduced he had us in stitches with some of his writings. You could almost envision how bright his face might have looked while we all were trying to get a medical history from him."

Martha physically paused before she responded, "Patty that is certainly true about my son, but there is also something that you need to understand. I wouldn't say this except for the fact that the three of us know Richard and how he is, and perhaps you need to know so that you can be aware during the time you are treating him. Even as a child, when he was in pain, be it physical or emotional, he would hide behind jokes and laughter to cover what he was really feeling. That trait continues to this day. It's hard to keep from getting frustrated with him sometimes, but it's his way of protecting himself. We all have are own way of dealing with things. I guess what I'm saying, or maybe asking is, be aware, and perhaps look a little deeper, if the joking and laughter surface during a time that would usually bring pain or suffering to someone. I don't mean to sound like a know it all, but he is my son."

Recognizing the deep concern that a parent has for their child, Patty placed her hand on Martha's arm and responded, "Thank you for the insight, Martha. Rest assured, we will take care of your son. Now, let's go before you make me cry and make me break my own protocol."

"One more thing," Martha stated as she looked at Alexis and Kate, "Girls, he's not dying, he's just hurt. I don't want to see any tears in there, you got it?"

"I understand, Grams."

Not receiving an immediate response, Martha looked directly at Kate, "Kiddo, are you going to be able to deal with this?"

"Uh...yes...sure...I just...I'm fine, Martha. Let's just do this."

Patty led them through the doorway and down the corridor to Rick's room. Pausing before opening the door, she turned to face them, "Remember he's not going to look very good. Don't make him have the urge to turn his head to look at you, just put your face right over top of him to talk to him, okay." With that she led them into the room.

"Mr. Castle, I have some very lovely ladies here that want to say hello. I'm only going to give them a few minutes, so remember what your instructions are, no moving of your head, just your hand and fingers if you want to write. Understand?"

Rick slowly moved his index finger to the 'Yes' card that was lying on the right side of his stomach. Right side for 'Yes', left side for 'No'.

Alexis moved to her father's bed and positioned her face right above him, following the instructions that they had been given. She clasped his right hand with hers and pressed her lips against the back of it. "Daddy, I'm sorry you fell and got hurt. Patty told us that they are going to make you all better. Don't worry about us, we'll take care of you when we get you back home. I'm not going to school tomorrow, so I can be here when you get back from surgery."

With that Rick moved his left hand to the 'No' card.

"Dad, you're not in a position to argue with me, so don't try. I love you."

Rick took the pencil in his hand and began to write, _**I so r y pum kn**_.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Daddy. Just go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

Martha traded positions with Alexis, and smiled brightly at her son, "Darling, I love you. This to shall pass. You're going to be as good as new in no time. We'll see you in the morning."

Martha stepped back with the anticipation of Kate taking her place. Kate made no immediate move to get closer to Rick's bedside. Not knowing whether she was reading the situation correctly, Martha looked at Kate, and asked, "Sweetheart, do you want us to leave so that you can talk with Richard privately?"

Completely lost in her thoughts, Kate didn't respond to Martha's question. _I'm not leaving here tonight without knowing._ As she moved to position her face over top of his, she could see the haze that was clouding those beautiful blue eyes. When he realized that it was her looking at him, the haze was clouded even more by the tears that were being formed and that would soon drift down his cheeks.

Kate leaned down to whisper in his ear, "You didn't fall, did you?"

She could see the recognition in his eyes. They knew one another all too well. It was a 'yes or no' question, but pointing to one of the response cards was not going to provide the needed reply. Rick took the pencil in his hand and did his best to write,

_**ju st l et it g o ka t e.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

Kate leaned down to whisper in his ear, "You didn't fall, did you?"

She could see the recognition in his eyes. They knew one another all too well. It was a 'yes or no' question, but pointing to one of the response cards was not going to provide the needed reply. Rick took the pencil in his hand and did his best to write,

_**ju st l et it g o ka t e.**_

Kate lightly touched his shoulder and retreated quickly from the room. Martha and Alexis again told Rick that they loved him, and that they would see him in the morning. They turned to leave the room and to try to catch up with Kate as she moved down the corridor.

Martha called out to her, "Kate, wait up. Are you alright, darling?"

Hearing her voice, Kate slowed her pace and eventually stopped to wait for them, "I'm fine Martha... I just can't stand to see him in pain. It shouldn't have happened."

"Sweetheart, it was an accident. It could've happened to any of us. I'm sure that they'll do everything they can to get him back to normal, or whatever 'normal' is for Richard."

Half smiling, Kate replied, "He is his mother's son...I'm sorry I rushed out...I just had to get away at that moment."

"I understand, kiddo. We'll get through this. Kate, it's almost 1:00am, why don't you just come back to the loft with us. You can sleep in Richard's room, and we can all get a few hours sleep before we come back in the morning."

"Martha, I really think that I should get back home. Thanks for the offer, but I have to see about work tomorrow, and whether or not I'll able to come back here in the morning. I hope you understand."

"Of course, dear, as long as you know that we want you with us."

"I do, and I appreciate how you and Alexis make me feel so wanted."

"Multiply that a million times over and you might be half way there to knowing how much my son wants you. Enough said. I overstepped again."

They rode the private elevator to the lobby area and exited the hospital. Hailing two taxis at this time of night took them a few minutes. A three-party hug signaled their departure and they left in their separate cabs. In the distance, the rapid fire clicking of a camera shutter went unnoticed.

Arriving at her building, Kate paid the driver and exited the taxi. She rushed up to her apartment and retrieved her service weapon, her badge and her small flashlight. Almost within minutes she was back outside.

_Let it be, Kate. Yeah, right. You know I can't let it be. You know I'm going to make sure that there's not any stone left unturned. What the hell is wrong with me? You know he wouldn't lie. You could see it in his eyes. But, no, you just have to make sure, don't you?_

For over an hour she walked the length of 2nd Avenue around her building's neighborhood, flashlight shining on the street's surface in an attempt to find any evidence of pooled blood, or blood splatter. Nothing.

_What the hell did you expect? You knew you weren't going to find anything. I'm absolutely certain of the fact that he knows that I'm out here right now. He knows I am, and I know that he knows I know... Damn it... We know one another better than anyone knows us. He's scared and I'm scared, and I just won't let it happen. Why can't I just let it be?...Why can't I just let us be? Why can't I let him love me? Why can't I let myself love him? God Damn it._

Reentering her apartment, Kate removed her clothing and slipped into her bed. For the next couple of hours she tried to get some much need sleep. After continuous tossing and turning, and punching of pillows, she realized that this was an unreachable goal. Getting out of bed, she tends to the task of straightening the sheets and covers that she has just left in shambles. Kate entered her shower and began preparation for her day.

Arriving at her desk well before any of her team, or even the Captain, she cannot help but think that Martha and Alexis were probably arriving at the hospital at that same moment. _God, how I want to be there rather than here._ Mindlessly shuffling the papers on her desk, Kate tries to finalize the paperwork from their most recently completed case. As she struggles to put the documents in order, Ryan and Esposito enter the homicide unit.

Both detectives offer their greeting, "Good morning, Beckett."

"Uh...Good morning."

Noticing what seemed to be an increased stress level in his boss, Javier asked, "Kate is everything alright? You look a little more worn out than usual."

"Uh...It's nothing. I had to deal with an issue last night and it took awhile. Didn't get much sleep."

Ryan asked, "Is it something we can help you with?"

"Look, uh,...the thing is, Ri...Castle...tripped and fell last night on 2nd Avenue, and he broke his jaw. He's in Presbyterian Hospital, and probably about now they are taking him to surgery to repair the damage. He won't be able to be with us for awhile,... maybe for quite awhile."

"Shit, you're kidding me, Castle broke his jaw? Damn." Esposito exclaimed.

"Yeah. They have some specialists that are going to be doing the surgery, and they're confident that they can repair the damage."

Ryan questioned her, "Beckett, what the hell are you doing here? You should be with him. We'll take care of things."

Somewhat tensely, Kate responded, "There's nothing I can do there. Martha and Alexis are with him. I need to get this paperwork done, and I'll try to get over there later."

Both detectives looked at her with a sense of resignation. Esposito finally spoke, "Okay, whatever you want, but we can handle things if you change your mind."

In a calmer fashion, she replied, "Thanks, guys. I appreciate it."

They both shook their heads at one another as they turned to go to their desks. The bureau had just become a lot less interesting, and it appeared it would be that way for awhile.

It had been almost five hours since they had arrived at the hospital and kissed Rick's hands before he was wheeled to the surgical theater. Martha and Alexis had spent their time reading, or in Alexis case, sometimes listening to her iPod. Removing her earphones, Alexis turned to Martha, "Grams, why is Kate not here? I know that there is nothing we can do, but I thought she would be here."

Martha sighed, "Sweetheart, I know what you mean... Alexis, as much as you and I might want something, and as much as we recognize what would be best for those two, it's not our decision. Your father finally realized that Gina was solely a professional relationship, and trying to make it more was just not going to happen. I'm not about to give up on them, and I'll continue to tell Kate that I love her because I do. Richard already knows what we want, but what we want isn't going to make it happen. We can be selfish about it, but in the end it's going to have to come from them."

"It's just such a waste, Grams. I know that they're not old, but how can you let spending the prime years of your life with someone you think the world of slip through your fingers. It just doesn't make any sense to me."

As Alexis was finishing her statement, the patient area door opened and Patty Sinclair approached them. "Martha, Alexis, Rick has been moved into one of the recovery rooms. The surgery was quite demanding, but everything went smoothly. Dr. Conrad did a marvelous job, and if the healing process doesn't encounter any difficulties, she is confident that Rick will experience a ninety to ninety-five percent restoration to normal. We can hope for more, but that will be at least the minimal range. He's still on morphine for the time being, and he's being given antibiotics to guard against the development of any infections. He'll be in recovery for about another hour or so, and then we'll return him to his room where you can visit him. Truly ladies, everything went very well, so be happy, okay."

They both moved to hug her as Martha voiced their feelings, "Patty, thank you, and thank Dr. Conrad for taking such good care of Richard. Rest assured we will be happy, and we'll be even happier when we get to see him."

Martha excused herself from the pair stating that after all of this time she needed a powder room break. Alexis continued to chat with Patty. Seeking further assurance, Alexis asked, "He really is going to be okay?"

"Yes, Alexis, he's going to be fine. The next several weeks aren't going to be a walk in the park, but long range everything looks very good."

"Thank you so much, Patty for what you did for Dad?"

"From everything I have experienced with him, he seems to be a very nice man. He certainly thinks the world of you and his mother. Uh...Alexis...does he have someone in his life right now? I noticed Kate wasn't here this morning, so I was just wondering."

Taken aback about the question, and hurriedly trying to put together an answer in her head, Alexis responded, "Uh...yeah...he's pretty much spoken for."

Accepting the answer, Patty seemed to lament, "Oh. Well I'm happy for him, and for her. That will certainly help with his overall recovery. I better run. Debbie will come and get you when Rick is back in his room. I'll likely see you after while."

"Okay, thanks again Patty."

Alexis watched as Patty walked back through the patient area door, and then plopped back down onto the couch. Martha joined her shortly as she returned from the ladies room.

"Grams, do you think we should call Kate and tell her how things went?"

"Sweetheart, I hate to bother Kate at work. Since everything went well maybe we should wait to see if she calls us. If we don't hear from her for a while, then perhaps we should."

Noticing the troubling look on her granddaughter's face, Martha asked, "Alexis, is something the matter?"

"Grams, I kinda lied to someone. Well, I guess I actually did lie."

Confused, Martha asked, "To whom?"

"To Patty."

"What would you have to lie to Patty about?"

"Well,...she was telling me how nice of a man Dad was and then she said that she noticed that Kate wasn't here this morning, and she asked...if Dad had someone in his life. I wasn't sure why she was asking, so I told her that he was...spoken for. I probably misread the situation, but I got concerned that she might be interested in him, so I just blurted that out. I'm sorry, Grams. Don't be mad at me."

"Kiddo, I'm not mad at you. Honestly, I can't say that I wouldn't have given the same response. We're going to have to be careful about our feelings, however. As I said, their situation isn't up to us. Lord, if we keep it up, they may kill us before we kill them. Just let it go for now. I'll cover for you should this come up again."

She hadn't left her desk for the entire morning. No coffee breaks, no bathroom breaks and no telephone calls. _How long could this surgery take? Why haven't they called me? Do they think that I don't care since I'm not there with them? I should have gone. I should be there. Would he even want me there?_ As the thoughts raced through her mind for the umpteenth time, her cell phone chimed. Grabbing it quickly without taking note of the caller id she answered, "Hello."

Josh greeted her, "Kate, it's me. I tried calling you late last night, but you didn't pick up. I just finished doing my patient chart dictations and I thought that we could meet for lunch. Does that sound good to you?"

"I don't think so, Josh." she replied.

"What? Why not? Kate, is there something the matter?"

"Josh, I'm just dealing with a few things, okay."

"What's going on Kate? Why didn't you pick up last night?

"I was out trying to deal with what took place at my apartment."

"You mean you were with him?"

"Indirectly I was, yes. I went to his loft to see if he was okay because of all of the blood that I had to clean off my floors. He wasn't there. While I was there, his mother got a call from the hospital telling her that he had been admitted with a broken jaw and was scheduled for surgery this morning to repair it. His mother, daughter and I spent most of the evening and into the early morning hours at the hospital."

"You mean from where I hit him?"

"Yes."

"Is that what he told them at the hospital?"

"No, he told them that he tripped coming off a curb, and landed on his face in the street."

An edgy silence was broken when Josh finally asked, "What are we going to do about this, Kate?

"We aren't going to do anything about it. Castle will take care of it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The edginess of the silence now appeared in her voice, "Look Josh, you're a heavyweight division black belt. You know from your training that you have to be meeting deadly force for you to respond with the skills that you have learned. You weren't meeting any force last night. Even if he had been verbally assaulting me, the most you could have done would have been verbally reply to his actions. He wasn't doing that either. You left yourself wide open to the fact that he could file a criminal complaint against you, or at the very least bring a civil action against you. Your own martial arts guidelines would attest to your liability."

"You mean he's going to sue me, and possibly press charges against me? I just wasn't going to let him call you a liar?"

"As I told you last night, he didn't call me a liar, he just pointed out the fact that I had lied, both to him and about him. And...that's true."

"So, what is he going to do?"

"Nothing." she replied.

"How do you know he won't do anything?"

"Because he wouldn't do that to me."

"I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me?"

"He won't do anything to you because he will think that he would be hurting me. So he will do nothing."

"What's going on Kate? Does this guy love you that much? Are you in love with him?"

"That's not a topic for me to discuss with you, only with him."

A softer silence separates the two as Josh asks the obvious question, "We're not going to see one another anymore, are we?"

"No, were not. You're a good man, Josh. I wish you the best with your career and with your life. Please don't try to see me, or talk to me in the future. One piece of advice, remember the training of your skill, if it should ever happen again, the person on the other end might not have the strength of character as the one does this time. Goodbye, Josh. Take care of yourself." And with that she closed off the connection.

Kate leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes to the world. _Another breakup. Another painful experience for both of us. The last time you were figuratively punched in the heart, this time you were literally punched. Thank you for giving me the strength to take the high road again... 'I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle.' …... 'I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle.' …... How many times have I said that to introduce us when we meet with people-of-interest, witnesses or active suspects. The next time, how am I going to keep myself from saying, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle, the man that I love more than life itself.'_


	6. Chapter 6

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_Kate leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes to the world. Another breakup. Another painful experience for both of us. The last time you were figuratively punched in the heart, this time you were literally punched. Thank you for giving me the strength to take the high road again... 'I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle.' …... 'I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle.' …... How many times have I said that to introduce us when we meet with people-of-interest, witnesses or active suspects. The next time, how am I going to keep myself from saying, I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and this is Richard Castle, the man that I love more than life itself.'_

Finally opening her eyes, she realized where she needed to be. Where she wanted to be. Earlier, having seen Esposito and Ryan talking to the Captain in his office, and the Captain eying her through his window, she knew that they had told him about Castle's injury and impending surgery. She grabbed her purse and jacket, and knocked on Montgomery's door. Kate told him that she had finished all of her current paperwork and asked permission to use some of her personal time by taking the afternoon off. Quickly obtaining approval, and the directive from the Captain to give Castle his best, she stopped to let Esposito and Ryan know that she would be gone for the remainder of the day, but that they could reach her on her cell phone, if something came up.

Crossing the parking lot of the 12th Precinct she got into her car and headed toward Presbyterian Hospital. She made a quick detour to stop at P.C. Richard and Son on W.23rd Street, and arrived at the hospital shortly after 1:00pm. Grabbing her package and purse she proceeded through the main entrance's glass doors. Off to the left of the entryway, a man was writing notes into a small tablet as he watched her enter the building.

Taking one of the private elevators to the fourth floor, she exited into the VIP waiting area. Kate immediately was able to see that Martha and Alexis were not in the sitting area, so she approached the hospital staff member stationed behind a sliding glass window.

"Excuse me, do you know if Martha Rodgers and Alexis Castle are still here?" Kate inquired.

The staff member recognizing Kate on sight responded, "Yes, Detective Beckett they're still here. I believe they went down to the cafeteria to have lunch. Mr. Castle will not be out of recovery and back to his room for about another thirty minutes, so they thought they would take this opportunity to get something to eat. They went downstairs about forty-five minutes ago, so they should be back shortly."

"Thank you. Can you tell me if Mr. Castle is okay, did the surgery go alright?"

"I'm sorry Detective, I'm not a medical professional, so I'm not permitted to give out any information about a patient's condition. I can buzz one of the nurses and have them come and talk to you if you like."

"No, that's okay. I understand. I'll just wait for his mother and daughter. Thank you again." she replied.

Kate left the reception window and went to sit down on the couch that they had used the previous evening. Within minutes there was a dinging of the elevator door, and Martha and Alexis entered the sitting area. Alexis rushed toward Kate and grabbed her into her arms, "Oh, you did come. Thank you, Kate."

Somewhat taken aback by the rush, Kate didn't know whether that meant things were fine, or something had gone wrong, "Lex, it's okay. I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier. Is everything alright?"

Martha answered before her granddaughter had a chance, "Everything is fine, Darling. Patty said that Richard got through surgery quite well, and that Dr. Conrad said that, barring any healing complications he should recover to a level of ninety to ninety-five percent of his previous capabilities, more so if we're lucky. He's been in the recovery room for well over an hour, so they should be moving him back into his room any time now."

"God, that's great news. I guess all we can do is wait then." Kate replied.

As Martha and Kate sat down on the couch, Alexis excused herself to go to the ladies room. With a concerned look on her face, Martha turned to Kate, "You had me worried, Kiddo. I wasn't sure whether you were going to make an appearance."

"I'm sorry, Martha. There were some things that I had to take care of at the station, and then the opportunity arose for me to take care of another issue, and...Oh hell, Martha, I didn't know whether I should come,...and...I didn't know whether you all...he...would want me here."

"Katherine Beckett...

_Oh shit, what did I do?_

…...let me tell you something, something I have told you more than once. Alexis and I want you with us anytime, all of the time, whenever. Get that into that beautiful head of yours. What's between you and my son, we can't control. If you two don't want to recognize and accept what's right in front of you...well...I just don't know. What I do know is what my granddaughter and I feel. Life would be helluva lot simpler if the two of you would just catch up with the rest of us... I apologize, I have no right to be that stern with you, but sometimes I just get so...

"It's alright, Martha. I understand. I've had those very thoughts rushing through my head for a long time now. I've never been able to answer all of the questions that I have, but I know that I want to try to find those answers. I just don't know whether I'll get the chance to."

"Darling, if you want something, go get it. If it's not Richard, that will break our hearts, but so be it. If it's my son, then you have the support of the other two, of the three most precious people in his life."

"I'm not sure I know how to get those answers."

"Lord, it's a wonder the two of you have ever solved a case. Talk to him. You already finish the others' sentences, you must have some intellectual connection. Talk to one another, and listen to one another."

The conversation was cut short as Alexis rejoined them on the couch, "Thanks for coming, Kate. Dad will be glad to see you after what he went through this morning. I know he won't know anything about it, but I'm sure his body is going to make it clear to him."

"I'm sure he's going to be fine, Lex." Kate replied.

Patty Sinclair came through the patient area door and noticed that Kate had joined Martha and Alexis, "Kate, I'm glad you could make it. Ladies, we have Rick back in his room, so I can take you in. He is doing very well. As opposed to last night, he'll be somewhat propped up in his bed. With his jaw and teeth now being firmly wired in place there isn't the need to have him flat on his back with his head immobilized. There will be bandages and you will notice the beginning of some bruising. There's no way around that. The bruises will grow deeper over the next few days until they then will begin to fade away. Even though he isn't as immobilized as last night, don't put him in a position that he thinks he has to move his head to look at you. Everybody okay. Let's go in."

Dewey Henderson was sitting at his desk composing his latest Page 6 column when his telephone rang, "Henderson."

"Dewey," contributing reporter, Frank Simmons stated, "It's Frank, are you tracking anything about that mystery writer, Richard Castle?"

"Hi, Frank. Uh, the most recent thing I have relates to his latest book, _NAKED HEAT_. It debuted at #7 on the _Times_ Best Sellers List. Why, you got something?"

"Well, I don't know. I was going home late last night, it was well after midnight, and I snapped a couple of pictures of his mother and his daughter, and that Detective Beckett hailing cabs outside of Presbyterian Hospital I know the mother and daughter by sight because of some charitable benefits that I reported on, and the detective has longer hair than she did in that _Cosmo_ article, but I'm almost certain it was her. Anyway, they had a group hug and then left in separate cabs. I thought I would go back early this morning to see if I could spot anything else."

"Did you get anything?" Henderson asked.

Frank continued, "This morning, the mother and daughter went into the hospital around 6:00am. Then some time after 1:00pm, the detective went in. I was too close to her this time to take a picture without being seen, but I'm sure now that it is her."

"Can you get anything from the hospital staff about whether Castle is a patient?"

"No, hospital personnel have been burned too many times lately, so getting anything out of them is highly unlikely. I can try to grab one of the delivery people from the hospital's suppliers to see if I can get something."

"Why don't you try that. I can put a sentence or two in my evening column that just poses the question about them being there, and then followup with Castle's agent to see if they're going to have any new press releases about him. Maybe if I shake the tree a little something will fall out."

"Okay, Dewey. I'll get back to you if I find anything."

Entering his room, Patty announced their presence, "Rick, your ladies are here to see you. I'll leave you all alone, but let's make this first visit a short one. If you are able to come back this evening, we can let you stay a little longer providing our patient here continues to show no signs of difficulty in coming off the anesthesia." With that, Patty exited the room.

Moving directly to his bed, Alexis grabbed his hand and kissed it just like she had before they took him to surgery, "Daddy, they told us that everything went great. I love you so much. Don't start messing around with things, Dad, so we can get you out of here and back home where you belong. You promise?"

Taking pencil to paper, Rick writes his response.

_**i promis, pumpkn i want out of her e too its great to see you al**_

The penmanship was better than last night, but it was obvious that he still wasn't up to speed.

"Richard, darling, you've had us all worried silly. You look a little beat up, but Patty said that is to be expected. We'll have you looking as good as new in no time. Do you need us to do anything for you?"

_**gin a and pa la**_

Martha read the words and looked to him for clarification, "You need us to contact Gina and Paula?"

**ye s just in cas of pres**

Martha responded, "Oh, you need us to contact them in case they have to make a press release. I understand. Lord only knows, if someone gets wind of you falling they will try to make it look like you were out at all hours in some kind of drunken stupor. I'll call them both when Alexis and I get back home."

_**thank mothr**_

Recognizing that his writing ability was continuing to deteriorate the more he did it, Kate reached inside the bag that she had been carrying, "Castle, I stopped on the way over and got you the latest _Notebook_ they had in stock. I thought it might be easier for you to type like you usually do instead of write. It's already charged, so all you have to do is turn on the power."

As Kate placed the _Notebook_ on his lap, Rick pointed in the direction of a pillow that was lying on the bedside chair. Kate reached for the pillow and placed it underneath the _Notebook_ so he could more easily tilt it toward him. Rick pushed the power button, and waited for the machine to come to life. Like a kid with a new toy, he entered the needed data to open a word processing document, and typed away, maybe not at his usual speed, but better than writing.

**Thank you, Kate. That was very thoughtful. This sure is better. Thank you.**

The typed words had stated his thanks, but the look he gave her through those hazed filled blue eyes expressed an appreciation that almost took her breath away. _Maybe there's still a chance. Maybe we can learn to get of our own way._

Kate reached into the bag and pulled out a device that looked like a wristwatch, "I also picked up this personal alarm system. It has a transponder capacity, so if you are away from the _Notebook_ or you can't text from your cell phone, and you need assistance, you can just push this button and it will send a signal to the receivers that are programmed to it and we can identify your location. The receivers are very small, and I thought that Martha, Alexis...and...I could keep them on us at all times."

Martha spoke, "Darling, that is a wonderful idea. It will certainly make it easier when we get him home."

**You've thought of everything, Detective. No stone unturned, huh. I bet you just couldn't let it go either, could you? I assume you didn't find anything?**

Hesitating before answering his questions, Kate replied, "You know me Castle, you've got to cover all of the bases."

Alexis turned to Kate, "Couldn't let what go Kate?"

"Uh...the paper work that I had to review this morning. Uh...I had to make sure that it was complete and …...uh... it was. I didn't find anything wrong."

Never one to miss gauging the atmosphere of the room, Martha turned to her granddaughter, "Alexis, why don't we head home, so that we can maybe take a nap and I can contact Gina and Paula. Let your father and Kate spend some time alone. Kate, darling, we will expect you at the loft for dinner before we come back over here this evening. Richard, I love you. Make sure you don't overdo it. We'll see you this evening."

"Love you, Dad. I'll see you in a little while, Kate."

Kate almost had to call after them as they had retreated so quickly, "Uh...okay, I'll see you soon."

**You're never going to get rid of them, Kate. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I'll talk to them if you want me to, because you know that they will never interfere if I fully explain things to them.**

She shifted her head to look at him instead of the screen, "I don't want to get rid of them. They have been very kind to me. No matter what, they are going to be in my life."

**Kate, you don't have to hang around here. You have to deal with pain and misery everyday, this is not a place you want to spend your free time. I'm truly appreciative of your gifts today, they were very thoughtful. That being said, you have someone you want to be with, and being here is only cutting into that precious amount of time that you allow yourself to escape, so don't waste it with me.**

"Cas...Rick, I am where I want to be. I sure as hell have wasted a lot of time, but I'm not about to waste anymore. I want you to get better and get out of here. I know that you don't like it here anymore than I do. There are many issues that we have to deal with, and I want to get started. Your mother already thinks we're incompetent, and I want us to prove her wrong. This isn't going to be easy, and I don't know if you even want to give me a chance, but Rick, I lo...

Patty was already speaking as she entered the room, "Rick, we need to...oh, Kate. The girls told me that you all had already gone."

Kate replied, "Martha and Alexis went home for awhile. I was going to leave shortly."

As she approached Rick's bedside, she continued with her opening statement, "We need to check Rick's dressings, and I was about to have his treatment team come in to observe and assist." Noticing the _Notebook_ on his lap, she lightly grazed the back of his right hand with her fingers, "Well, what...

_What the hell was that._

…...do we have here?"

**Kate got me one of the newest Notebook editions. It really helps with my ability to communicate.**

Patty responded, "I bet it does. With your profession, I..uh..we should have thought of that earlier."

_That's right lady. I'm the one that thought of it. I'm the one that knows him. Either touch him for some medical purpose, or get your hands off him._

**There's hardly anything that gets by this brilliant detective.**

Kate gathered her purse from the bedside chair, and turned toward Rick, "I better go and let them do what they need to do. We'll be back this evening. Try not to cause any trouble. Goodbye, Patty." Before leaving his bedside, she leaned toward him and kissed the top of his shoulder, and then left the room.

Riding down in the elevator the thoughts and her actions filled her head. _What the hell are you thinking. She just touched his hand. So what. I know so what. It was nothing. It wasn't nothing. And then you kissed his shoulder. What were you doing, marking your territory? Every time we try to tell one another something, somebody interrupts us. It's a wonder it wasn't Ryan waltzing in out of nowhere. Let me out of this damn place. Let me get him out of this place._

Exiting the hospital and walking toward the parking lot, Kate passed a street-side newsstand. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of one of the book jacket pictures of Rick topping a stack of the evening edition of the _Sentinel _with a reference, _**'**_**Check out Page 6 for the latest on the famed Mystery Writer'.**

_**GOD DAMN IT.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_Exiting the hospital and walking toward the parking lot, Kate passed a street-side newsstand. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of one of the book jacket pictures of Rick topping a stack of the evening edition of the Sentinel with a reference, **'****Check out Page 6 for the latest on the famed Mystery Writer'.**_

_**GOD DAMN IT.**_

Grabbing an edition off the top of the stack, Kate handed the newsstand attendant a couple of dollars. She quickly opened the paper to page 6 and scanned the page in search of Dewey Henderson's column. _** Famed Mystery Writer hospitalized? Over the past twenty-four hours, noted murder mystery novelist, Richard Castle's mother, daughter and NYPD Homicide Detective Kate Beckett (the inspiration for Castle's best selling Nikki Heat series) have been seen entering and exiting New York's Presbyterian Hospital. Is the author ill, or has he met with some type of injury during his shadowing of the police detective? We'll keep you posted.**_

_Damn it, just enough to get tongues wagging, but not enough to call somebody out on it. How has he put up with this shit all these years? If he decides to give me a chance, how will I deal with it?_

Kate closed the paper and folded it, placing it under her arm as she walked toward the parking lot. She got into her car and headed toward the Tribeca loft. Entering the building, she exchanged pleasantries with the security guard and took the elevator to the Castle loft. After knocking on the door, Alexis greeted her, "Kate, come in. Grams has been on the phone with Paula and she's now talking to Gina. She should be done soon. Is Dad still doing okay?"

Kate cautiously responded, "Yeah, Lex, he's doing fine."

Noticing the guarded response, Alexis asked, "Did something happen, Kate? You look worried."

"No, Lexie...well nothing regarding your dad's condition. When Martha gets off the telephone we need to talk about something."

"Okay. I put together a salad, and I thought we could just have some pasta for dinner. Is that alright with you?"

"Sure, that's fine. Anything that's simple. Let's go finish it up while we wait for your grandmother."

As Alexis put the finishing touches on the salad, Kate took a pan from the overhanging rack, filling it with water and placing it on one of the stove top burners. When it had reached it's boiling point, she dropped the penne pasta tubes into the pan. After searching the cupboards and finding olive oil and garlic cloves, she pressed the garlic cloves, poured the ingredients atop the drained tubes and mixed them together. Plates and silverware were laid out on the dining room table, and Kate found an open bottle of a Cabernet and two wine glasses for herself and Martha.

With a furrowed brow clearly noticeable upon her face, Martha came out of the study, patted Kate on the shoulder and sat down at the table to join the two, "Oh, darlings, thank you for taking care of dinner. That last call took a little longer than I thought it would. This looks delightful."

As they ate, Martha shared the conversations that she had with Paula and Gina, "Well needless to say, Paula was shocked. I gave her all of the details and she is putting together a press release. She's sure that Presbyterian will not divulge any information regarding Richard without him giving explicit instructions. The only thing of real importance is that we make certain the release contains certifiable findings that state an absence of alcohol and/or any controlled substances in his system. I know that to be the case because Patty informed me about it, but we still need to make that inquiry so we can state it categorically. She's going to email me a draft of the press release and I'll print it out and take it with us so that Richard can approve it. Other than that, it just boils down to being an unfortunate accident."

Those words still gave Kate a sinking feeling in her stomach. _An accident. He'll never say anything different. He'd sooner make himself look like a clumsy oaf than to interfere with what he thinks is my private life._

Rising from the table, Kate goes to where she dropped her purse on the couch and retrieves the newspaper she had brought with her. Setting it beside Martha, she states, "You better read page 6, Martha."

Scanning the Henderson column, Martha replies in frustration, "Wouldn't you just know. Drop a little speculation, and goad people to run wild with it. I'm sorry, Kate, that they mentioned you. Alexis and I are used to this sort of drivel, but you shouldn't have to deal with it. We probably need to let Paula know that we also have to make it clear that Richard's involvement with shadowing you had nothing to do with how he got injured. Stupid Dewey!"

"Don't worry about me being part of it, Martha. I'm just sorry we weren't able to get out in front of this. Everything happened so quickly that Ri...Castle just didn't have the opportunity to instruct people as to what he wanted to have done."

Martha responded, "Well, we'll have to make sure that Paula points out his true condition. There's nothing to be gained by complaining about what gossip mongers choose to write."

"Gram, is Black Pawn going to put out a statement as well?"

"Oh, Gina, uh... she agreed to have Black Pawn simply endorse the statement that Richard releases. She felt that would simplify things. No use in having a number of statements out there that people would have to pick and choose as to which one they think is more accurate. My conversation with Gina dealt more with other things."

Kate knew where this was headed, but it wasn't her place to ask for further information. Alexis, however, was another matter, "What else did she say Gram?"

Eying the pensive look on Kate's face, Martha replied, "Gina was of course concerned about your father's condition, but...oh hell, Kate has Richard had the opportunity to tell you that he had ended their attempt to have a personal relationship?"

"Yes."

"Well then what I'm going to say is nothing that we all don't know, or should know anyway. Gina said that he ended their personal relationship because someone already had his heart and it wasn't fair to her to think it would be otherwise. She said that she knew it was you, Kate, but Richard had told her you were already with someone else, so it wasn't like he was dumping her to go to someone, it was just the fact that if someone else had his heart, no one else was ever going to get there."

"Martha...

"Just let me finish, and I swear I will never say another word unless you ask me about something. I've already put my foot in my mouth a couple of times today, so I might as well just go ahead and put both feet in. Those two do a fairly good job of working together on a professional level. On a personal level, in the past and now, they were haphazardly trying to make something out of nothing. On the other hand, you and my son could turn something into everything. Everything that any man and woman would kill for. Richard is gun shy because he feels that he has failed in the past, and he fears he won't measure up to what you want... Okay, that's it, I'm done. Lets clear these dishes away and I'll check to see if Paula has emailed me the draft of the press release. Then we can get back to the hospital."

As Martha moved toward the study Alexis and Kate carried the dishes to the kitchen. Alexis could tell that Kate was distracted as they went about cleaning the plates and placing them in the dishwasher. As the two stood side by side at the sink, not knowing what to say and actually not wanting to say anything, Alexis simply moved closer to Kate until the sides of their bodies were touching one another. Accepting the sign of comfort and support from the young girl, Kate quietly tilted sideways and kissed the top of Alexis' head.

They took Kate's car to the hospital. Parking in the adjacent lot, they walked toward the entrance. Although Martha and Alexis seemed to make no effort to look, Kate scanned the surroundings to see if they were being watched. She spotted a man across the street from the entrance who had what looked to be a notepad in his hands. He may have been the same man that she had seen right by the entrance earlier this afternoon. She made certain not to make her actions noticeable, and she didn't share her observations with other two.

Entering the VIP waiting area, Alexis approached the receptionist desk and asked if it was alright for them to see her father. The receptionist buzzed the nurses' station and soon Debbie Chandler entered the waiting area, "Good evening ladies. We can only give you about twenty or thirty minutes, but I can take you straight through. Mr. Castle has been dozing off and on, but I'm sure he will be glad to see you."

As they entered the room, Rick seemed to be somewhat slumped shouldered. It was difficult to tell whether he was sleeping, or just resigned to his confinement. Becoming aware of someone's presence, he lifted his head. Although the smile on his face was restricted by the wiring, the light in his eyes could not have been brighter. His fingers moved quickly across the keyboard.

**Ah, three beautiful women have come to see me. It's great to see you again. This place is nice, but it's a drag.**

Walking up to his bedside and reading his greeting, Alexis kissed her father on the top of his head, "It's good to see you to Dad. It doesn't hurt when I kiss you like that does it?"

**Never.**

Martha approached his bed as well, "Richard, darling, we're only allowed to stay a short time, so I want you to read a couple of things and get your thoughts. The first is, unfortunately, something that appeared in the evening paper, and the second is a draft of the press release that Paula put together."

Rick took the two items from her and scanned the newspaper column first. His eyes stared directly at Kate as he gently tossed the paper aside and typed his response.

**I'm sorry, Kate. Mother and Alexis are used to this kind of thing, I'm sorry you got included.**

"Rick, forget about it. I can handle it. We'll take care of this situation," Kate replied to his words.

Somewhat stunned by her words, Alexis and Martha exchanged questioning glances. Rick picked up the printout of the email from Paula. After studying it for a while, he typed his thoughts.

**Mother, make sure that you have Debbie tell Patty that I will authorize any release of information should it come to that. Have Paula state without question that my injury had nothing to do with my association with the NYPD, nor with my shadowing of Kate. She doesn't need to put it in the statement, but if she is questioned by reporters about when I might be out and about, tell her that in the next week or so, I will be permitted to try to talk through clenched teeth, but having people understand me might be difficult. That being the case, I will have to forgo any book signings and readings until such time as the jawbone has healed and the wiring has been removed. Other than that, have her go with it.**

Kate spoke up, "Rick, there was a guy across the street from the hospital entrance when we arrived this evening. I think it was the same guy I caught sight of this afternoon. I can only assume that there will probably be another page 6 mention tomorrow."

**Mother, tell Paula to get this out this evening to the appropriate media. Maybe we can avoid further speculation. If not, at least this can serve as a rebuttal. Did Gina say what Black Pawn wanted to do?**

"Sweetheart, she said that they would just join you in your press release, as opposed to doing a separate one. She also wanted you to know how sorry she was that you have been injured, and that she would be thinking of you."

**After yesterday, I'm sorry you had to talk to her. You know I wouldn't have asked you to do it if I was able. If you happen to speak with her again, thank her for her words.**

"Kiddo, think nothing of it. As Kate said, we'll take care of this situation. Well, our time is about up. I'll talk to Paula as soon as I get home. Sleep well, Richard. I'll see you in the morning."

Alexis smiled brightly, kissed him on the head again and whispered in his ear, "Kate called you Rick, Dad. Love ya."

**Good night you two. Sleep well.**

As Martha and Alexis approached the door, Kate turned to them, "Could you all wait for me downstairs. I'll only be a minute."

"Sure, darling. We'll stop and talk to Debbie on the way downstairs."

As the door closed, Kate pushed the bedside chair across the room and braced it against the door. Confused by her actions, Rick typed.

**What's wrong? What did you do that for?**

Moving to sit on the edge of the bed so that she could look directly into his eyes she began, "First, nothing will be wrong if you respond properly. Second, I'm sick and tired of one of us trying to say something to the other and we get interrupted. So I want to share something with you...I can't tell you how sorry I am about the fact that your hurt and you had to go through surgery and you have to put up with this for so long...I hate it...I have stopped seeing Josh...I didn't end it because he hit you, although I can't say that I wouldn't have just for that reason...I ended it because it is not what I want. I have finally recognized that after all of this time that I truly want you, I want us...I'm scared to death, but I'm going to quit trying to deny it and accept what is in my heart...I know you might be mad at me right now, and you might feel you can't trust me to be honest with you, or about you, but I will show you that you can...You said that you loved me and that you wanted me. I'm hoping that you will take that out of the past tense and make it present and future tense because I love you and I want you. We're going to have to deal with a great many issues, but I'm ready to get started and I'm hoping that you are. So there, I've bared my soul to you. Just as you said that someone already had your heart, I hope that is me because you have mine."

Tilting forward she kissed the top of his head. His eyes had never left hers until she had leaned forward. When she leaned back she could see a single tear escape his left eye. She wanted to wipe it away, but she was afraid to touch that side of his face. As he began to type his response, she wasn't certain as to whether the tear was a good omen or a bad one, as his typing was so brief. He turned the screen for her to read.

**Properly.**


	8. Chapter 8

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_Moving to sit on the edge of the bed so that she could look directly into his eyes she began, "**First, nothing will be wrong if you respond properly.** Second, I'm sick and tired of one of us trying to say something to the other and we get interrupted. So I want to share something with you...I can't tell you how sorry I am about the fact that you're hurt and you had to go through surgery and you have to put up with this for so long...I hate it...I have stopped seeing Josh...I didn't end it because he hit you, although I can't say that I wouldn't have just for that reason...I ended it because it is not what I want. I have finally recognized that after all of this time that I truly want you, I want us...I'm scared to death, but I'm going to quit trying to deny it and accept what is in my heart...I know you might be mad at me right now, and you might feel you can't trust me to be honest with you, or about you, but I will show you that you can...You said that you loved me and that you wanted me. I'm hoping that you will take that out of the past tense and make it present and future tense because I love you and I want you. We're going to have to deal with a great many issues, but I'm ready to get started and I'm hoping that you are. So there, I've bared my soul to you. Just as you said that someone already had your heart, I hope that is me because you have mine."_

_Tilting forward she kissed the top of his head. His eyes had never left hers until she had leaned forward. When she leaned back she could see a single tear escape his left eye. She wanted to wipe it away, but she was afraid to touch that side of his face. As he began to type his response, she wasn't certain as to whether the tear was a good omen or a bad one, as his typing was so brief. He turned the screen for her to read._

_**Properly.**_

As she read his response, Kate rolled her eyes and chuckled, "Only you would do that."

She leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. Moving from the bed she pushed the chair away from the door and returned it to its original position. Kate grabbed her purse and positioned the strap over her shoulder. She stood in front of him and looked directly into those beautiful blue eyes. The words seemed to leap from his gaze, there was no need to type. She closed her eyes trying to hold those transmitted words inside her while saying her's aloud, "I love you too."

She left his bedside and walked out the door.

As he sat in his chair looking out the window of his study, Rick reflected on the passing of time and their experiences, and began his musing. _Almost three months to the day since my surgery. Two months of having my mouth feel as if it was a spring loaded trap poised to engulf any prey. Two months of having to listen to people say, __**'What?'**__, every time I tried to __speak instead of __type. Two months of buying straws by the case load. Two months of Ensure, tomato soup, chicken broth, beef broth, turkey broth and any other fucking broth known to man._

_Two months of not being able to spend my days at her side, except on those special days when her team wasn't 'up first' to catch the next case and paperwork would be scheduled to occupy her time. Those days could have been really special, if it hadn't been for Ryan and Esposito. They were unmerciful. They would intentionally go to Remy's and bring back lunch for the sole purpose of eating juicy hamburgers right in front of me. I told them that 'paybacks were a bitch', but they just scoffed at me._

_And finally, one month ago, freedom. Or so I thought. The wires and bands had been removed and I had envisioned all of the many things that I would be permitted to do; 'real food', a true conversation, never having to look at a straw again and being able to kiss her. I had sworn to myself that once this was all over my tongue would never leave the inside of her mouth, or other appropriate locations, but doctors have their own time tables that give little notice to my tongue, or Kate's. A month of graduating to puddings and custards; mash potatoes and rice; and chopped up pasta with olive oil or tomato sauce. And, a month of physical therapy. How the hell can you pay a guy a couple of hundred dollars an hour to put his hands on your face and watch you open and close your mouth? Why weren't there any female therapists? Why would Kate always walk away when I would ask that question?_

_Although I couldn't eat 'real food', I could still cook. I couldn't spend my days with her, but I got to cook her dinner almost every night. Watching the three of them eat and discuss their days more than made up for those 'other two' at the precinct. Their relationship seemed to blossom right in front of my eyes. The closeness, the sharing, and the trust. There were times that I had nervously hoped that she loved me as much as she loved them. God forbid, should I die tomorrow, there would be no doubt in my mind that she would guide Alexis into adulthood._

_That same woman that so thoughtfully got me a Notebook so that I could communicate more easily, is the same woman who almost broke all of my fingers when she slammed its screen closed; when all I was trying to do was give her a running commentary of the back stories of the characters in the Firefly episodes we were watching. Alas, she is also the same woman that comes through my door each evening after a long day and flashes me that brilliant smile that nearly takes my breath away. How I can't wait for the day when it's our door._

_Being in this virtual hibernation, I had gotten a lot of writing done. I had created an entire outline for the third Nikki Heat book and was well on my way through the earlier chapters. Since I didn't have the opportunity to balance my writing with being involved at the precinct, Kate would give me 'questions of the day' to give me a break from the book. It turned out to be an easier way for us to 'talk' about our lives. She didn't have to wait for me to type a response and she didn't have to endure my frustration at trying to verbally respond to her. When she would come to the loft after work, she would read my responses. If she needed clarification, my typed replies wouldn't have to be so wordy._

_**Why do you write?**_

_Before I started school, I remember that I always had to sit in the front row of the theatre seats while Mother was rehearsing, that way she could always keep an eye on me. There were almost never any other kids around. Sometimes later in the day, the kids that were of school age would show up, but they would usually be in the company of their mother, father, sitter, or someone. I would watch the rehearsals and try to figure out what was going on. Mother would say words that I'd never hear her say around the apartment, and words that she would wash my mouth out with soap if I ever said them. Then I realized that she always had a piece of paper, or a booklet with several pages in her hand while she was on stage. She would look at the paper and then speak. It finally dawned on me that these were not her words, but words that she had been given to speak._

_Being alone most of the time, I had already begun to use my imagination to create make believe people, situations and places. I then began making up words for me to say and for my other imaginary people to say. Although at the time I didn't know what they were called, I would make it so that I was playing the part of the 'leading man' or 'hero'. I would always be the one who did the right things, or would 'save the day'. Truthfully, I began to allow my imagination to move in the direction of how Mother's career was going._

_When Mother had to audition for parts, I had to sit in the back of the theatre. Sometimes I felt like I was hiding in the back. An unattached actress with a young child shouldn't have made any difference to anyone, but sometimes it did. As I continued to do my imaginary writing and acting there were times that I would take myself out of the hero role. It became apparent to me that it would depend on how Mother was doing. If the casting director would simply say 'Next', my role in my story would be reduced to virtually nothing. If she was called back, or outright given the part, I was back to being the hero. The silly things that go through your mind._

_One time during a rehearsal, the scene called for Mother to kiss an actor. When I saw that, my mind went back to seeing families together and seeing the mother and father kiss one another. When I saw Mother do this, all I could think was 'Is that my dad?', but when he didn't come home with us like the other families, I knew my life was not the same as those other kids. If I was going to have a father, I would have to make one up just like everything else I was doing._

_After I started school, if Mother was still in rehearsals, I would arrive at the theatre later in the day. I didn't have to sit out front anymore, so I roamed around backstage. I would look at all the costumes and would imagine how I would dress my characters for the stories that I would make up. And then, I discovered the prop box. It was like a gold mine to me. Every implement would send my mind in a different direction: a telephone, I could call someone anywhere in the world and never leave New York; a candlestick, an elaborate dinner in a mansion somewhere with all of my characters dressed in the finest of clothes; a typewriter, maybe someday I could learn to type and I could put my stories on paper at the same speed that they flashed through my mind; and then I saw it, a gun._

_I had never held a fake gun in my hand, let alone a real one. I tried to imagine whether it was a 'good gun', like the policemen on the street had, or an 'evil gun' like the bad guys would use to rob people or to hurt people. I began to envision stories that would combine all of the different props to tell the tale of how some kind of intricate crime would be committed and the 'hero' would use his imagination and reasoning to figure out how things took place, and use that skill to put everything together and catch the bad guy. The fascination of that type of scenario just never seemed to leave me._

_So, bottom line Kate, spending all of that time alone, being left to my own devices, led me to where I am today. I love writing. I love the solitude. I love challenging myself to come up with new ideas. But, there are also times that I hate it. There are times I get so wrapped up in it that I forget to live. Having the responsibility for Alexis has always grounded me. I love her so much that I would never strike another key, if it would guarantee that she would have a happy and productive life. The same is true for you. You have inspired me to write, but more so, you have inspired me to live. At this point I cannot, even in my wildest imagination, envision spending the rest of my life without you being by my side and doing everything I can to show you how much I love you._

_**Will you tell me about your marriages?**_


	9. Chapter 9

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_So, bottom line Kate, spending all of that time alone, being left to my own devices, led me to where I am today. I love writing. I love the solitude. I love challenging myself to come up with new ideas. But, there are also times that I hate it. There are times I get so wrapped up in it that I forget to live. Having the responsibility for Alexis has always grounded me. I love her so much that I would never strike another key, if it would guarantee that she would have a happy and productive life. The same is true for you. You have inspired me to write, but more so, you have inspired me to live. At this point I cannot, even in my wildest imagination, envision spending the rest of my life without you being by my side and doing everything I can to show you how much I love you._

_Will you tell me about your marriages?_

_**Will you tell me about your marriages?**_

_When Kyra left, I always thought she would return. After more than a year that notion finally started to fade. My first love. The one that got away. It obviously was not meant to be. Did that mean it was not love, or that it was just that she didn't love me? I struggled to answer those questions during that time, but I was never able to come to any resolve._

_Meredith was a struggling actress when we first met. Her daily activities reminded me of the plight that Mother had experienced. Going from pillar to post taking in every available audition and casting call. She landed a couple of off-Broadway parts, and really became consumed by the 'smell of the grease paint' addiction. We started seeing one another on an occasional basis, and then a little more frequently. There was an obvious physical attraction, and we finally acted on it. A couple of months later, she discovered that she was pregnant. It's not that she was actually mad about the fact that she was pregnant, it just wasn't convenient._

_Not wanting 'our' child to be labeled as I had been by others, we slipped away to Virginia and got married. I was perfectly able to take care of us financially, but Meredith was concerned that she was missing a great many opportunities to further her career. After Alexis was born, she worked night and day to get herself back into shape so that she could return to chasing any available roles._

_From Day One, Alexis became the sole purpose for my existence. I read everything I could get my hands on about child rearing, in particular the female child. I love my mother to death, but I was not going to let my child have to face the loneliness that I endured. I was there virtually every minute of her young life. I know that I didn't do everything properly, but I made sure that she always felt loved._

_Meredith was more than happy to have me handle the parenting responsibilities. I never thought it was because she didn't care, it just wasn't who she was. Over time our relationship began to loose any form of closeness. She began to be absent a lot more than usual. Absent during times that she didn't have a part in any play or television drama. Finally, she informed me that 'we' were not working out, and that she was interested in someone else. It became apparent that she had been having an affair with a director, and it was their plan to move to California._

_At that point the loss for me didn't seem that great. My concern was that Alexis would have to deal with the reality of not having a mother and father in place. Having a Domestic Court award care and custody of a child to a father was not a usual occurrence. Especially a female child. It certainly helped that my profession allowed me the freedom to work on my own and to always be there for my daughter. Again, I don't think it was because she didn't care, I just think that Meredith thought it would be best for Alexis if she remained with me. The divorce decree gave me permanent care and custody, and Meredith left for Los Angeles. Alexis was only three years old at the time, and Meredith didn't come back to visit very often at all during the next few years. Now that Alexis is older, every couple of years Meredith will come to New York, and Alexis visits her in California at least twice a year._

_I know that you and others think that I hide behind humor at times and that I'm generally a loose cannon. A lot of that deals with trying to protect myself and not reveal personal feelings. You've seen through that on many occasions. In truth, I was pretty strict with Alexis growing up. I had read somewhere that it was imperative for a child to understand that there was just as much love when you said 'No', as when you said 'Yes'; that it was always 'Easier to open a door, than to Close it'. She was smart, obedient and respectful, but she was also getting older. I guess for lack of any other way to say it, I started getting scared._

_Gina was the executive assigned to me by Black Pawn. We got along quite well professionally. She was strong and smart, and she kept me focused on my writing. I guess I should say she kept me focused on meeting the deadlines for my writing. We spent some personal time together, and one thing led to another, so we started dating. Hindsight tells me that we should have left our relationship professional, but we didn't. I would hate to think that I married her because Alexis was 'coming of age' and I was scared I wouldn't do the right things anymore, but I can't say that wasn't in the back of my mind. If that is actually true, I certainly did Gina a disservice. We didn't wind up being all that great together as a couple, and I failed to allow her, or myself to make us a family of three. Had Alexis not been around, we probably wouldn't have made it anyway, but Alexis was my life, and I probably didn't make it any easier for Gina and me to succeed._

_Kate, I know I am supposed to be answering the question about my marriages, and that I keep bringing up Alexis, but she is the true constant in my life that everything has always centered around. I was scared to death the first time I held her, and then I couldn't imagine doing anything else. Yes, Meredith left me, but I was left with the most precious gift that anyone could possibly hope for. I didn't do a very good job in sharing that gift with Gina, and that became one of the reasons that led to our relationship breaking down._

_Since returning to our professional relationship, Gina and I have been able to co-exist on a much better level. I've already explained our brief try at rekindling our relationship, and why it was doomed to never go anywhere. If what you really want to know is 'How good a husband am I?', I guess I would have to say, 'far from perfect'. If what you really want to know is 'Are you faithful?' the answer is 'absolutely'. I'm not perfect, but I have never cheated in any relationship and I would never cheat on you. I would never knowingly hurt you, Kate._

_**Why me?**_

_My dearest detective, I hope that you aren't fishing for compliments here. That would be so beneath you. Is this response supposed to be of the 'How do I love thee, let me count the ways' variety, or merely a run through of our interesting and sometimes tortuous path?_

_Quite candidly, our first meeting was a love/hate situation. The self assurance that you displayed at doing your job, your ability to verbally duel with me and your abject beauty were captivating. Then again, you were there because someone was killing people and posing their bodies to fit descriptions of some the victims in books that I had written. I was enamored of you, but I hated the thought of what I might have caused. It took me a long time to deal with the latter and erase it from my mind, but you were being permanently etched and will never leave my thoughts. If people blamed authors for the actions that people choose to take, Shakespeare would be vilified today instead of honored. If I had never met you, he would have probably risen from his grave to write a final tragedy._

_We didn't have a moment that would enable me to say 'You had me at hello', but you certainly had me when you whispered in my ear. Everyday since, I have been falling in love with you. At this point, I don't think that will ever stop. I don't think that I will ever be able to say that I have reached the depth of my love for you because it just continues to get deeper._

_We are both so different, yet we are both so similar. If I'm fortunate enough for you to stay with me there are many things that we will have to explore. We both have pain in our past that have proven to forge our personalities. I want to be able to understand. I want to be able to help you understand. You have asked me about my marriages. I can only assume you are trying to use that information to enable you to be more certain about risking your heart to me. I do realize that need that you have. I have, and never will lie to you, Kate. At the same time, I must say that I'll never ask you about your past relationships. I will most certainly listen if you have a need to tell me about those situations, but I will never ask. I don't know whether that's a 'man thing', or whether it's just me. I know we both have a past, but I'm only interested in you and me. If that makes you think that I can't handle things, that's not correct. It might be true, but it's not correct. I can deal with anything, there are just things I don't want to have to deal with unless I'm forced to. So, if you need to go there, I'll be here for you._

_Okay, gather your nets together, here come your compliments. I wrote it to you, and I have told you, you are extraordinary. That seems so long ago now. And just like the length of time seems so great, so is the fact that you have surpassed the bounds of extraordinary. I know that I'm biased because I love you, but your beauty, your grace, your style and your presence is easily understood by the sighted, and can be unmistakeably felt by the blind. I can absolutely be transfixed by your smile and I can lose myself in your eyes. I may never be able to restrain myself from your lips. However, all of your wonderfully exquisite physical attributes combined cannot even begin to reach the quality of your humanity. Your care and concern for others, your willingness to give your all to bring some semblance of closure for the families of victims that you encounter and your steadfast loyalty to the people that you work with are not things that are done on a whim, but are engrained in your character._

_I guess now is when I bring in Alexis with regards to you. Simply put, as much as Meredith was willing to have me take responsibility for her, and as much as I may have failed to allow Gina to have uninhibited access to her, there has never been a moment that I felt anything other than unbridled pleasure and warmth at seeing the two of you together. I could walk out the door to go to the store, or go across the country, and I would never have to look back to make certain that my little girl was being loved and cared for. She loves you Kate, as does Mother. They have prodded me regarding you, and they have scolded me about you. If there ever is an 'us', they will be our greatest support because for their purpose, it will be the four of us, not just the two of us._

_I saw a thing on television last night that really seemed to hit home with me. Hell, it might have even been a commercial. One of the lines stated 'When you find something for the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start immediately'. I want that, Kate. I want you to come and live with us. I know that might sound strange since we really have had a restricted courtship during my recovery, but having you here almost everyday for short periods of time just makes me want you here all of the time. If you like, you can even consider it like your moving in with Alexis and Mother, and the three of you are allowing me to hang around. We have spent so much time apart struggling with the possibilities of our relationship, I want us to be together to work on resolving the past and creating new possibilities for the future._

_So, as you read my answers, will you consider my question?_


	10. Chapter 10

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_I saw a thing on television last night that really seemed to hit home with me. Hell, it might have even been a commercial. One of the lines stated 'When you find something for the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start immediately'. I want that, Kate. I want you to come and live with us. I know that might sound strange since we really have had a restricted courtship during my recovery, but having you here almost everyday for short periods of time just makes me want you here all of the time. If you like, you can even consider it like your moving in with Alexis and Mother, and the three of you are allowing me to hang around. We have spent so much time apart struggling with the possibilities of our relationship, I want us to be together to work on resolving the past and creating new possibilities for the future._

_So, as you read my answers, will you consider my question?_

"Wow," Kate said as she put down the printed pages of his answers.

**Is that 'Wow good', or 'Wow bad'?**

"Rick, please stop second guessing yourself with me. I'm not going anywhere. It was just 'Wow'. There are things I wasn't expecting; some that I thought I was right about; and some that I was sure about. I hate that we have to use this form of communication to make things easier for both of us, but in reality you're a helluva lot more open when you write to me than when you talk to me. That is something we are definitely going to have to work on."

**Ahem.**

"I know. I know. I need to work on it just as well. ...I'm...sorry about the situation with Meredith. You never even hinted about something like that happening. I can understand about Gina, but it still doesn't make sense why you took her to the beach house."

**I was lost, and even though I didn't mention you directly, she listened to my pain. I was never going to get that book done, and I thought that she would give me the kick in the ass that I needed. Anything other than that just sort of happened, but I knew it really wasn't going to go anywhere. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry I failed to handle things more appropriately.**

"I'm not asking you to flesh out your original responses, you've been more than candid with me. I just wondered 'Why?' after all that time that she was back in the picture. I would have never guessed that one."

As he left his desk chair and moved to join Kate on the couch in his study, she was giggling and shaking her head, "I can just see you sitting in those theatres watching everything play out in front of you, your mind going a mile a minute. I think every kid would probably want to do that for a day, but to have to do it everyday must have taken its toll at some point."

**Well stated, but I didn't know anything else until I started school, so I just learned to accept it.**

Biting her lower lip before proceeding, Kate asked, "Do you really not put much thought into who might be your father?"

**As I told you, when I was little, yes. As time went on, the thoughts just seemed to drift away. Now, the thoughts are almost nonexistent except when the subject matter is brought up.**

"I'm sorry, forget I mentioned it."

**No, it's alright. I'm nearing forty and I've lived this long without knowing, and no one has stepped forward to make a claim, so I don't see why I need to put much stock in his identity. My situation is hardly anything like yours. Together, we will bring you closure. I know that we can do it. Kate, please keep this between us, I love my mother deeply, but I find it difficult to believe that she doesn't know who my father is, or was. It's not like she was some fluzzy. She has to have some idea. The fact that she has chosen not to tell me, or given me any leads to follow-up on, is more painful than never having known. Does that make sense?**

Reaching across to take his hand and pressing it to her lips, she answers, "Yes. I know that you would never think less of Martha, but I can understand that the 'Why' is always going to be there regarding her silence."

Kate continued, "You alluded to my mom. I trust us, too. It may take us a while, but we'll get there. …...God, doesn't that sound familiar. …...It has taken us a while, but here we are, and we're never going back. I won't let it happen."

**And, neither will I.**

"The things that you wrote about me...I don't know if I can talk about them. I know that you have the ability to paint a picture for your readers with your words, but those words just portrayed someone that I don't know if I can live up to. I read them and think, 'how could I have failed to understand what I mean to you'. I can't be that blind. I may not be able to put the words together like you do, but I love you, and you mean everything to me."

**Kate, I may be able to paint a picture with words, but all I have to do is experience you to see what it is that you are. If I had no talent whatsoever, I still would have been able to describe you as I did. As I said before, you surpassed extraordinary a long time ago.**

"Rick, Patty mentioned something at the hospital about Debbie getting a scholarship for her schooling through a grant that you funded, and that Debbie's sister was attending law school through a memorial fund that you'd established. Is there something I should know about?"

**I may have been medicated, but I wasn't blind. Is this about Patty, or Debbie and her sister?**

Momentarily taken aback, Kate sputtered, "Shut up. …...Just answer the damn question, smart-ass. Besides, she wasn't doing anything medical at the time. So there."

**I love you, too. The other stuff, you're going to have to promise me that you won't get mad and kill me. The way things were heading over the previous six months, I never thought that I would ever have the chance to be with you, so I never thought I would have to answer for those things. You wouldn't find out about them until I was dead, so shooting me would be a waste of your time. With regard to Debbie, she benefited from one of the programs that I established during my early years of the Storm novels. With the help of some advisers, that fund has grown considerably. We have been able to finance the education of over two hundred kids in the last ten or twelve years. Now, please remember I'm recovering from surgery. Debbie's sister was one of the first scholarship recipients from the JB Memorial Fund that I established last year. I would have told you, but as I said there was a time that I thought that not only did you not want me, you wanted anyone but me.**

**Are you still staying for dinner?**

"Yes, Mr. Smart-ass, I'm staying for dinner. There are so many things in that paragraph that make me want to jump your body right now, while there are others that make me want to beat the shit out of you. When were you planning on telling me, if I hadn't brought it up myself?"

**We would have gotten around to it. If you want, I could just get my will out of the safe and let you read it, then everything would be out in the open. You can shoot me and Lanie could stop by on her way home to collect her crime scene evidence without ruining her whole evening.**

"What the hell does that mean?"

**Kate, can we let this go for now. I promise I will give you full disclosure.**

"What's the combination to the safe?"

**Right to 4 – Left to 26 – Right to 78.**

"You used my birth date for your combination. That's so cheesy."

Before rising to his feet, Rick quickly typed, **I need to go start dinner**.

Grabbing him by the seat of his pants, Kate commanded "Sit down, we're not anywhere near through here."

**If you keep up with this you're not going to get much of a dinner. Final word on this subject, which I might point out Detective was not made part of the original interrogatories that I was assigned to answer today. There are a number of clauses in my will that pertain to you. To be fully compliant in answering, Detective, only Mother, Alexis and you are specified in my will. The particulars are not important at this time, so can we just return to my written responses, or stop here and finish after dinner.**

"Oh, alright, will stop. However, let me make it clear, your ass better be right back in here after dinner. Also, quit calling me Detective when we're at home talking about personal things," she stated as she rose from the couch and leaned over to kiss the top of his head.

**Did you mean what you just said?**

Turning back to look at the Notebook screen she responded, "Every word of it."

They had been communicating for much longer than they had thought. As they left the study and moved toward the kitchen, Alexis and Martha were already putting together another pasta offering. Martha spoke for both of them, "If you two are going to wile away the evening talking, we're never going to eat anything around here, but salads and pasta. Richard, there are perfectly good beef filets in the refrigerator that we could be dining on. At some point in time we need to indulge our palates with some red meat."

Placing his Notebook on the kitchen counter, Rick responded, **Mother, I'm sorry, I should have started to get things together earlier. I'll fix the filets for the three of you tomorrow night. I promise**.

Kate jumped in, "Martha, it's really my fault. I'm sorry. I just lost track of time. It's really his fault for writing an opus just to answer a few questions, but being the more mature adult in this relationship, I thought I would try to cover for him."

**YOU DO KNOW THAT I CAN HEAR YOU, DON'T YOU. I JUST CAN'T SPEAK IN A MANNER THAT IS CONDUCIVE TO BEING UNDERSTOOD.**

"You see what I mean, you could have just typed, 'I heard that'."

"Dad, when ARE they removing the wires and the bands?" Alexis asked.

**Nxt wk. There, is that better, Ms. More Mature Adult.**

Kate read his response on the screen, and typed her reply '**Nx wk**', "Now it's better," she said as she walked past him allowing the back of her hand to glide across his hips as she went to get the china and silverware for dinner.

Sipping his Ensure, Rick watched his three ladies eat and discuss his mother's latest audition. She had a chance at a Broadway play that would be opening after the first of the year. It wasn't going to be a starring role, but it would not be an insignificant one either. She was excited that she had gotten a 'call back', and would have to return for future trials next week.

Rick reached for his Notebook to type a private message to Kate. **Are you going to tell them about your moving in? ** He turned the screen so that only she could see what he had typed. Kate glanced at the screen and quickly typed her response. **I'm not going to tell them, I'm going to ask them if they are comfortable with it.**

Noting the obvious activity between her father and Kate, Alexis smiled as she asked, "Do you two want Gram and me to take our dinner elsewhere?"

Looking annoyingly at Rick, Kate replied, "No, Alexis. I'm sorry. Your father has the patience of a gnat sometimes. …...Uh, I need to ask you two something. These past couple of months have been difficult for all of us, but they have also been wonderful, at least I know they have been for me. Rick and I have been talking...uh, I guess I should say communicating, and…...well...Alexis, Martha, would it be alright with you, if I came to live here?"

Alexis immediately left her chair and circled the table to wrap her arms around Kate's shoulders, kissing her on her cheek, "Oh my God yes. This is fantastic. Dad, we have to redecorate. We have to give this place a 'touch of Kate'. …...Dad does get to stay here too doesn't he, Kate?"

Looking at him, Kate stated, "Did you let her read your answers?" Shaking her head, "Lord, is she ever your daughter. Yes, Alexis he gets to stay here too. …...Martha?"

"Darling, we've been waiting for you for almost a year now. You should have never left last winter. I said some things to you during our many hospital visits that I probably shouldn't have, but I'm not sorry for it. I'm sure that he has probably written the words to you, and that he can't wait to be able to say them to you, but I know my son. He loves you as much as any human can love another, and I know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. So, am I alright with it, absolutely. That chair you're in has been empty for far too long."

As she fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes, Kate clasped her hand with Martha's, "Thank you. I love him, Martha, so very much. Please don't ever forget to tell me what you think. You also need to promise me that, unless you get a better offer, you will stay here with us. We may love and want one another, but we need all the assistance that the two of you can give us."

"Kiddo, you'd better run that by your future hus...uh, Richard first."

The Notebook screen was turned to face directly to Martha, **Mother, until it increases, ****we'll be a family of four.**

"Sweetheart, …...that..., you'd better run by the loved one to your left."

A/N:

For those of you that do not care for adventurous playfulness, you may want to skip the next chapter. Two years of longing and three months of restrictive behavior may require certain protective measures to be taken.


	11. Chapter 11

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_As she fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes, Kate clasped her hand with Martha's, "Thank you. I love him, Martha, so very much. Please don't ever forget to tell me what you think. You also need to promise me that, unless you get a better offer, you will stay here with us. We may love and want one another, but we need all the assistance that the two of you can give us."_

"_Kiddo, you'd better run that by your future hus...uh, Richard first."_

_The Notebook screen was turned to face directly to Martha, **Mother, until it increases, we'll be a family of four.**_

"_Sweetheart, …...that..., you'd better run by the loved one to your left."_

It had been a week since the surgeons had removed the wires from Rick's mouth. It was an exhausting procedure, but the freedom had been exhilarating. As always, with freedom comes responsibility. The soreness now became ever so apparent. Guarded was the word of the day from the doctors. Guarded not in the sense of his progress, but guarded in the sense of being careful not to undo two months of repair. No, you are not fully released to do whatever you want. Yes, you can begin to eat soft foods. Yes, there will be four weeks of physical therapy to continue your recovery and alleviate the soreness. Yes, according to Ms. Beckett there are no female physical therapists in the tri-state area. _How come everyone just accepts anything that she says. Challenge her. I do. …...Well, on most things I do. _Yes, you can sleep on your back. No, you cannot sleep on your stomach unless you use some form of protective device to make sure you do not press your face into the pillow. Yes, you can kiss, but only lightly. _They actually put that in the post operative directives._ The physical therapist may allow you to increase activity as your treatments progress. Full release will likely be given at the end of your scheduled physical therapy and our final examination. _Full release is only going to be realized when you people are out of my life, and I'm alone with a certain public servant._

During the second week of physical therapy, Kate had finally moved all of her clothing into the loft. Selected pieces of furniture were placed in the storage unit in the basement of the Castle building. The interior decorators would assist with blending these items into the ambiance of the loft. Her other furniture was donated to a Manhattan charitable organization. Contractors had worked with the decorators on designing an expansion of the master suite to allow for Kate to have her own walk-through closet/dressing area and bathroom. Although this would prove to reduce the size of the bedroom proper, as well as Rick's study, it was a project that both had been in full agreement. As always, it came at a price, and not just a monetary one. The two would have to move into the guest bedroom on the second floor until the project was completed. However, nothing would take place, until Rick had been fully released by his doctors.

It had been nearly three months since Rick had been able to enjoy the marvels of the city in which he lived. No theatre, no restaurant, no cinema and no museums. When the physical therapist had given him the okay to attempt eating some solid foods, he hit the button on his speed dial before the therapist's hands had drifted from his face.

"Hello."

"Paula, its Rick," he said when she answered.

"Well, hello, it's been a few days." she replied. "You sound better each time you call."

"Thanks. Hey, my physical therapist just gave me the go ahead to try eating some real food. I need you to see if you can get me five center section seats for Pacino's _Merchant of Venice_ that's playing at the Broadhurst, and a reservation for five, around 9:30pm, or 10:00pm at _Aureole_. Friday or Saturday night, if you can."

"I'll call you back."

"Thanks, Paula. Love ya."

As the two Castle ladies and the one almost Castle lady walked through the door, they were struck with the wondrous aroma that filled the loft. Seeing the dining room table set with the best china accented by the glow of candlelight, Alexis looked at the other two, "Is it Thanksgiving again? ...Hey Dad, what's going on?"

Rick had been on the phone in his study, and had not heard them come home. Thanking Paula for her efforts, he bid her goodbye, and returned to his laptop. As he typed, he heard the gentle rapping at the study door and Kate's voice, "Rick, it's me," she said as she eased the door open, Martha and Alexis following behind.

"Hey. You all are back. Enjoy the shopping?"

"Yes, we enjoyed ourselves. What are you up to? What's with the candlelight?" Kate asked.

"Oh, the therapist said I could try eating some solid food, so I thought I would start with something that would be moist and light. Is it too soon for you three to have turkey again? I'll order out, if you all want me to."

"No, it smells fantastic, and the table is beautiful. You didn't do something stupid, did you?", she said as she approached him and lightly touched her lips with his.

"Moi? …...No, I didn't do anything stupid. However, I did do something I hope you three will want to do."

"Pray tell, what is that, darling?" Martha inquired.

"I was able to get, or actually Paula was able to get for me, tickets to the theatre for Saturday night and dinner at Aureole. They have a great late evening dining offering for theatre goers. Is that alright with everyone? You did tell me you weren't on-call this weekend didn't you, Kate."

"Play, or musical?"

"_Merchant of Venice_, Mother. It's at the Broadhurst."

"Ooh, Pacino. That's marvelous, sweetheart."

"Dad, can...

"Already counted in, pumpkin. Kate, okay with you?"

She knew he was thinking about their communications regarding her and the paparazzi as she replied, "Of course. Are you trying to provide me with some cover from the crowds? You haven't been out in quite a long time."

"Maybe they will have forgotten what I look like, and we won't have to worry about it. Your beauty on the other hand might draw them like moths to the flame," he responded.

"Oh God, come on Grams, lets get out of here before they set the sprinkler system off. …...Geez, Dad."

"You're starting to get pretty full of yourself, Mr. Castle," she chided.

"Katherine, Aureole was not my first thought when he told me I could eat something real."

"Rick, …...Jesus, you idiot, they might hear you."

"I was talking about the Four Seasons. What were you talking about?" as he rose from his desk chair to go check on dinner, stopping briefly to kiss the top of her head.

As they woke Saturday morning, Rick had his arm wrapped around Kate as her head rested comfortably on his chest. She lightly stroked his stomach as he did the same with her shoulder. "Good morning, Katherine."

"Good morning, Richard," she replied. "Are we going to continue with this formal manner of address?"

"Sometimes, perhaps. I love you, Kate. I just never want to wake up without you being there for me to greet a new day."

"Two months of not talking has finally gotten to you, hasn't it?"

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day...

"Oh please, …...Shakespeare. Are you getting geared up for this evening, or has all of this been building up for ten weeks? If it's the latter, just get it all out right now because if your going to continue spouting platitudes I'm calling the surgeons back in."

"Speaking of surgeons, you're serving a dual purpose here you know. Sleeping like this I don't have to worry about wearing that damn apparatus in case I roll over on my stomach."

"So are you telling me I'm just a human prop for you?"

"Far from it, Katherine. Just a most beautiful side benefit to having you share our bed."

"Rick,...I did something without consulting you first. …...It has to do with Alexis."

As he shifted his eyes to look directly into hers, he could see the apprehension, "Kate, you know I'm very likely to always agree with anything you do regarding her. What did you do, or what happened, or whatever it is I should ask?"

"Well, …...she and Ashley have never gone out like we are going out tonight, and she was getting nervous about what to wear and how to look. …...So...I let her buy a new dress, and we have an appointment at a salon late this afternoon for her to have her makeup done and her hair styled. We used your credit card. …...I used your card. This is going to sound stupid coming from me, but please don't be mad. She's was just so excited, I caved."

"This...will...go on your service record, Katherine. And, you...will...be held accountable. However, I do still love you despite this kind of blatant behavior. You haven't demonstrated a reluctance to say 'no' to me, are you going to be an even bigger patsy for her than I am."

"**No, I am not**. This was just special. Besides, nobody is as big a patsy as you are to her...and me."

"I don't have a chance, do I?"

"Not as far as I can tell."

Kate continued, "There is another thing."

"Oh shit. What now?"

"We're going to need the service to send two cars for us today. Martha and Alexis are going to go out for a while this afternoon to finalize her dress, and then they are going to come back here to pick me up so we can go to the salon. You will need to go pick up Ashley and meet us at the theatre. Then Alexis and Ashley can take one of the cars to the restaurant and we'll take the other one with Martha."

"What...

"...and then, …...one of the cars will drive Alexis and Ashley back to his house, and then bring Alexis home."

"Rick?"

"Are you finished?"

"Yes."

"Did you work at all this week, or do you just get up in the middle of the night and sneak upstairs to devise these nefarious plots?"

"There's nothing nefarious about it. I just wanted her to experience a romantic evening...and don't you dare go there with your imagined visions."

As he rose to get out of the bed leaving her devoid of his warmth, Kate admonished, "Where the hell are you going?"

"Well, I guess I'd better get breakfast started since this is going to be an all day event. Remember this day, Katherine Beckett, because you're not dealing with some witless wonder here. When you least expect it...

It was nearing 3:00pm when Martha called out to Kate, "Okay, kiddo, Alexis and I are leaving. We'll stop back and pick you up in a couple of hours."

"Alright, I'm going to go shower and get dressed," Kate replied. "We'll have them deliver a snack for us at the salon to tide us over until dinner. Is that okay?"

"Sounds fine, darling. We'll be back soon. Bye, Richard."

"Bye, Dad. Bye, Kate." Alexis yelled.

"Goodbye, you two. Be careful." Rick called from the kitchen.

"Rick, I'm going to go take a shower. Since their gone, would you like to join me?" Kate purred.

"No thanks, I'll wait till later. I have to do a few things."

Startled by the response, she reversed her direction from the bedroom to the kitchen, "What's the matter?" she questioned as she tried to read his face.

"Nothing, why?"

"You just turned down a 'shower for two', that's what's the matter. Are you upset with me about Alexis and tonight?" His expression didn't look like he was upset, more like he was deep in thought.

"No, Kate," he smiled. "I'm not upset about that at all. I'm actually truly pleased with your thoughtfulness for Alexis. I'm not saying that I won't see if Javi, or Kevin can have a patrol car follow them home, but other than that you've only proven how accurate my thoughts were to your 'Why Me?' question. I seem to be getting deeper in love with you every day."

This was a different look, one she had not encountered during the last two years. She turned to leave, but again reversed her direction and slipped her arms around his neck, "I love you, too. That was very nice of you to say." Kissing him gently on the lips, she barely released her lips from his as she said, "Esposito and Ryan quit the force last Tuesday, and Roy is in a coma at Lenox Hill Hospital, so you've lost all of your police contacts except for me, and I don't do patrol car favors. …...I'll be in the shower."

Exiting the shower with her hair wrapped in a towel, Kate was closing her robe around her body as she reentered the bedroom. She shouted out to him, "Rick, have you seen the bel... Struck by the fact that he was right in front of her, she ended her shout. "What are you doing?"

Rick had been sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for her to finish her shower. The look on his face matched what she had observed in the kitchen. "Kate, I have the belt to your robe." he shyly offered.

"From the looks of it, more than just this robe. What are you up to?"

"Well, …...you've...uh...made this such a special day for Alexis, I wanted to try to make it somewhat special for you."

"And you thought tying me up would do the trick?"

"Oh, …...no, no, no. This is for protection."

"Rick, I started on the pill three weeks ago. I didn't want to have anything between us when we're finally able to enjoy one another. So there is no need for any other protection."

"Uh, this is for my protection, but might I add that I'm thrilled to hear about your form of protection. Kate,...I have to admit that I'm a little nervous here. Uh, …...Let me say it this way, I never want to make love to you. I...

"What? You never want to make love to me!"

"Please listen to me."

"Well, this better be good."

"I've never felt this way about a woman in my life. It scares me sometimes, and that anxiety causes me to be concerned about whether I can please you, physically, sexually. I never want to make love to you because all I ever want to do is make love with you. I don't want to know about your past experiences, I don't want you to tell me I'm the best at anything, I don't want you to fake anything to make me feel good about myself, I just want you to share yourself with me so I can pay attention and learn the sexual you just as I've spent the last two years trying to understand the personal you. I...

Noticing the expression on his face morphing to its protective mode, she jumped in, "Don't you dare try to make some humorous remark to cover yourself for what you just said, or swear to God I will wrap one of those belts around your neck. …...Twenty-eight books and never have you expressed anything more beautiful than that. …...I know that we are both scared that this love is bigger than both of us, and we're afraid of messing it up, _**but we are not going to**_. Was I concerned about sex? No, but that's only because I've got so much passion for you I didn't let myself think about it. If you fear that you won't be able to please me, then just think of this moment right here, because the sincerity of those words and your desire to learn how to please me are about to make my knees buckle."

As he rose from the bed he slid the robe from her shoulders and placed her on her back on the bed. "These are the softest things I could find to use." Since there were no bedposts, Rick wrapped the belts around Kate's wrists and ankles, and secured them to the legs of the bed frame. "Kate, is this alright?"

"It's fine. I love you, you know."

He knelt beside the bed and brushed his lips against her left ear, all the while running his fingertips along her side from her knee to her shoulder. Whispering to her he said, "These two years have seen us go through some trying times, and we've seen the worst of what people can do to one another. I never wanted to be anywhere, but right by your side. Falling in love with you was both the easiest and hardest thing that I have ever done. My senses come alive when I merely catch sight of you, and when we are apart all that is left is the longing for your return. …...I tied you to the bed because I have to protect myself should you begin to respond and we are able to please you. The wonderful things you did for Alexis today will never be forgotten by her, or by me. These few stolen moments this afternoon are for you."

As he finished his whisper, his tongue began to circle the crevices of her ear causing goosebumps to immediately invade the left side of her body. His tongue moved down the side of her neck and across her shoulder. As it finished its journey down her arm, he brushed his lips into the palm of her hand, allowing his tongue to create tiny circles against her skin. Each finger was gently sucked into his mouth, each ending with a gentle kiss. Ever attentive to her movements and her words, he could not help but feel the warmth that was growing inside each of them.

Virtually breathless at this point, Kate struggled as she called out to him, "Rick, …...I want to tell you something. …...You are quickly taking me to a place that is going to make me start to …...say some things that you might never …...hear from me outside of this room, or …...any other room that we might share together. If you're not okay with that, you'd …...better get something to gag me with right now."

"This will always be just us, Kate. Unconditional."

"Ooh, …...Christ, Rick, …...you're killing me here."

"No, Kate. I'm just trying to learn."

As his fingers glided down her legs he lightly pressed his lips to her inner thighs allowing his tongue to travel across her knee and down her calf. As he reached her foot he moved his position to the end of the bed. He took her foot with both of his hands and firmly began to massage the arch with his thumbs moving upward to the ball of her foot, kneading it in circular motions. He repeated the stroking that he had administered to her fingers to each of her toes, lightly sucking them into his mouth as he moved in progression.

"Jesus, …...you've got to be kidding me. This …...is...not possible. Rick...oh fuck me...ah...ah...ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh my …...God."

"Kate, are you alright?"

"Are you serious? That is just...just delicious. That's the only way I can describe it. You're going to wish …...you had never done that though. I just made another decision without consulting you. …...This foot thing will be on the demand list when I come home from work every day."

"Kate, we're just getting started."

As he moved to her right foot he began his trek up the right side of her body. The thrashing of her body had made him thankful for the use of the belts. Her physical strength would have surely inflicted some minor discomfort by now. Finally reaching her right ear, his tongue invaded its depth, the goosebumps soon followed. As her nipples became more taut he allowed his newly freed teeth to lightly graze their edges.

When he returned to her ear, he whispered his command, "Kate, as you sit in the theatre tonight, and when our eyes meet over dinner these sensations will come back to you. Please don't fight them, just let it happen. …...I am utterly captivated by your body, and I can't wait for the time that we make our bodies, one. …...I want to taste you now, so please help me learn."

As he moved to position himself between her legs, it was like a muffled plea that came from her mouth, "Rick,...please,...I can't...take...any... The last word was swallowed as his tongue moved from her thighs to the entrance of her softness. Seeking its way to its target, he lingered to experience the entirety of its passage. Circling the targeted spot, his lips slowly sucked it into his mouth.

"Rick, …...untie my hands. Right now! I mean it...I...

"Kate, we can't. You want to put them on my head, don't you?"

"Yessssssssss."

"That's why we can't. Just tell me if we're reaching the right spots and if it's what you want."

"God, …...you're the most beautiful fucking idiot I've ever seen. …...You've been in the right spots since you stuck your tongue in my left ear."

As his tongue moved under her clit to extend deeper inside her, her body stiffened, "There...right there...yes, right there...Rick...ooh...yes...oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph...

As he savored her taste he looked to capture her face. As he saw the tears stream from her eyes, concern swiftly erased his pleasure, "Kate, are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

The response was not immediate which caused his concern to grow. Finally after her body had quieted and air replenished her lungs, she answered, "I'm fine. …...I'm more than fine, and you far from hurt me. …...I'm going to follow your earlier directives and just simply say, you have made me feel desired, wanted and most importantly loved beyond belief. If this is just the beginning for us, I can't wait for the future. …...And by the way, you're a quick study."

Lightly pressing his lips to hers, he responded, "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too, dear man. …...Now, since I'm going to have to take another shower, you need to untie me."

"But, I haven't turned you over yet."

"_**WHAT?"**_

A/N:

I hope that I haven't offended anyone so far. The manner in which these characters have been written for the series by the real writers, and the consummate portrayals these two actors provide, just lend themselves to be placed in situations that can only be reached through deep, unconditional love and fanciful hearts. My thanks to each of you for your continued thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12

**RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE**

_Lightly pressing his lips to hers, he responded, "I love you, Kate."_

"_I love you, too, dear man. …...Now, since I'm going to have to take another shower, you need to untie me."_

"_But, I haven't turned you over yet."_

"_WHAT?"_

As his hands lightly glided up the inside of her thighs and rested soothingly on her hips, for the third time his tongue ran the length of the cleavage formed when he pressed her hips together. Her body tightened as if the belts that bound her were programmed to increase their pull. "Oh my God, Rick, you have to stop. I'm not going to be able to move after this." Just as his thumbs moved to widen her cleavage...

"Kate, darling, we're back. Are you ready?"

The thrill of the moment immediately turned to panic. "Jesus, Rick did you lock the bedroom door?"

"Yes. We're okay."

"Did you lock the door into the study?"

"Oh...well...

"Damn it Rick, get off me, go lock that door and get back here and untie me."

"Richard?" Martha called out.

"Castle, will you hurry up."

Responding to her pleas, Rick quickly moved to secure the door that connected the master suite with the study. He rapidly began untying the robe belts from Kate's wrists and ankles.

"Now, go out there and tell Martha that I will be there in a minute."

"Kate, …...my mother and I have a very close relationship, but if you would care to lower your gaze you will see that at this moment I'm in no condition to have a conversation with her."

"Oh for Christ's sake, do I have to do everything?"..."That's quite beautiful by the way."

Swiftly wrapping her robe around her body, holding it together with one hand, she unlocked the bedroom door and stepped out to speak with Martha, "Martha, I'm sorry, uh…...the precinct called and I had to step out for a while, so I'm running behind."

"Sweetheart, that's awful. I'll go downstairs and get Alexis and we'll wait for you."

"No, no please. You two go ahead and I'll take a cab and meet you there. I'll just do my hair and makeup at the salon, as well as change clothes. I shouldn't be more than twenty or thirty minutes."

"Are you sure? It's no problem, we still have plenty of time."

"I'm sure. You go ahead. I'm sorry I got called out."

"I understand, Kate." As she opened the door to leave, with a twinkle in her eye, Martha couldn't resist, "By the way kiddo, you might want to find the belt that goes with that robe."

Storming back into the bedroom, Kate began her rant, "_**God damn it**_, I've only been here a couple of weeks and I just had to white-lie your mother. This is all your doing. Just a little afternoon delight, my ass. We've been at this for almost two hours...Well, say something."

"You have a delightful ass."

"God, I'm going to kill you one of these days. Now, I have to pack what I'm going to wear in a suit bag, take another shower, hail a taxi, call ahead to have our snack delivered to the salon and Lord knows what else. This I'm not going to feel guilty about, give me some cash for the cab and your credit card for the salon to take care of me."

"Yes, dear."

Discarding her robe as she headed to the shower, Kate snapped at his reply, "Don't you dare 'yes dear' me. …...I've come to realize these past two years that the persona of Richard Castle the playboy was a contrivance of some marketing department dimwit, but let me tell you something Richard Alexander Rodgers, you are a dangerous man." Tears started to well in her eyes as she softly continued, …..."I love you so very much, …...and this afternoon you've made me feel like I'm the most desired and loved human being on the planet."

"Kate, you are, and I'm just starting my learning process with you. Just think how good we can be after thirty or forty years of mutual tutelage."

"Kill you? Lord, you might just kill me. …...Don't think I forgot what you said about allowing my mind to drift back to this afternoon while we're out this evening. You keep your hands to yourself, …...and your eyes. You got it?" She didn't wait for a reply as the bathroom door closed behind her.

Rick was sitting at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of vegetable soup when Kate came out of the bedroom carrying her clothing bag. The credit card had been placed on the counter. As she put the card into her purse, she wrapped her arm around his neck and kissed the top of his head, "No cash for the love of your life?"

"Yes, but no taxi for the love of my life. There's a car waiting for you outside."

"Rick, …...this afternoon was incredible. …...So far this whole day has been incredible. This was supposed to be all about you getting to go out for the first time in ages, and to allow Alexis to have a romantic experience. …...Thank you for being you. …...I'll see you soon. …...Be nice to Ashley. I love you."

"I love you, too. Have fun."

Knowing that his ladies were putting a great deal of effort into their appearance for the evening, Rick wanted to make sure that he at least tried to keep up. A black Armani pinstripe with a white shirt and a pale gray tie should at least keep him in somewhat the same league. The cold early winter weather called for his black cashmere top coat that he accented with a light blue silk scarf, not Doctor Who in length, but sufficiently chic.

After giving his driver the address for the Linden's brownstone, Rick eyed the bustle of a Saturday night in Manhattan through his window. _It's a beautiful city, a fast city, a dangerous city, a loving city, a cruel city. All of those things and more._ He had spent the better part of three months not experiencing its vibrancy. He had not been by her side 'on the job' for so long, he wondered if their seamless ability of deduction had become rusty. It was an important part of their history and their relationship, but what they had constructed during these past months was so much more vital to their true relationship. _You'll never know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone until you are in it with them. You cannot look at another relationship and say 'that's what we would be like', because even if that relationship had you or me as a component, it's still not US. Finally, after two years were getting the opportunity to experience the real US. _

Rick climbed the steps to the Linden's brownstone and rang the doorbell. Opening the door, Ashley, with his father close behind, greeted him, "Good evening Mr. Castle."

"Good evening, Ashley. Hi, Bob. It's nice to see you again."

"Hello, Richard. Good to see you, too. I understand that you all have quite an evening planned."

"Yes, it should be a lot of fun. We should be back between midnight and one o'clock. I trust that is alright?"

"Certainly."

"I'll make sure that the driver, his name is William, is certain that Ashley is safely inside the house before he leaves."

"Excellent. You all have a good time."

"Ready to go Ashley?"

"Yes sir."

Getting into the car, Rick attempts to smooth the edge of Ashley's nerves, "Ashley, you don't have to call me Mr. Castle, Rick is fine."

"I understand. You told me that before, but it just didn't seem right."

"How about calling me Richard. Is that a compromise that would make you feel casual and respectful at the same time?"

"Yeah, that sounds great, …...Richard. …...Hey, I like that. …...Thanks."

"No problem. Do you and your parents go to the theatre very often?"

"Occasionally. Dad doesn't care for it all that much, but Mom likes it. Sometimes, she and I will go to a matinee. …...Richard, thank you for inviting me to come along tonight. We both know that we are still just kids, but Alexis and I really like one another, and respect one another."

"Ashley, if I thought it was anything but that, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If I thought you had ulterior motives, you wouldn't even be in this car."

"You get right to the point, don't you?"

"When it concerns my family, you can be certain of it. I'm sure Alexis has told you, but just in case she hasn't, Kate is a part of our family now. She truly has been for a long time, but there is more of a permanence to it at this point."

"Alexis sometimes will try to compare our relationship to the one that you and Detective Beckett have to try to understand what love means and how people should or shouldn't act."

"Ashley, what love is, or what relationships are like are going to varying from individual to individual. If you and Alexis feel like you are experiencing young love right now that has to be exciting for you. Those feelings bring responsibilities, whether its of the first time variety, or late in life variety. Nothing comes without a price. I know that the two of you feel that your young love will be there for a lifetime as opposed to the first of a few, or of many, and perhaps it will. You would indeed be fortunate to have that happen. Both of you need to make sure that you love yourself and respect yourself so that if something happens that leads the two of you apart both of you are prepared to deal with it properly."

"Richard, did you and Detective Beckett have to pay a price for your love?"

"Ha, …...my dear boy both of us paid dearly for our present situation. Both of us have suffered in different ways throughout our lives, and throughout various relationships including our own. I spent my childhood creating illusions to occupy my time. I've spent my adult life writing mysteries in hopes of entertaining people while at the same time providing an avenue for me to learn more about the human condition. A lot of people think fiction authors just imagine every word in their books. They don't give much thought to the research that takes place in order to make it seem that's what happens. The love that I have for my mother and for Alexis is born out of the efforts we have made and the responsibility that we have accepted to make sure that it is steadfast. The love that Kate and I have is indeed a mystery. A mystery that we'll always be trying to solve. Kate is an exceptional detective, and there are times that I've perhaps assisted her in solving some of the crimes that she has had to deal with. Our minds seem to compliment one another, one fervently reality based, one more imaginative. Together, to steal a book/movie title, they form a beautiful mind. Kate and I might never be able to solve the mystery of our love, but we know that we will always be together in that pursuit."

"Geez, I've never talked with anybody about these kind of things, not even Alexis. Since Alexis and I haven't paid a price yet, does that mean we're not in love?"

"Ashley, the two of you are young. This feeling of young love tends to make you think you're not paying a price. If young love becomes true love, there is no question that circumstances will arise that will call upon both of you to pay a price. In the play this evening, Shylock and the suitors of Portia will be dealing with a number of life's turmoils, not having anything to do with being in a relationship. Shylock will be struggling to exact his 'pound of flesh', while a suitor of Portia will face the fate that 'all that glitters is not gold'. As I said, should the two of you stay together for a lifetime, you will indeed be fortunate. But whether you are or aren't, someday down the road someone or some entity is going to call in a marker, and some experience, no matter how grand it might seem, may not be as it appears."

"Man, you can talk."

"I apologize, Ashley. I've been isolated from the real world for a while. I got a little carried away. We're here now, so you've been saved. Believe me I wasn't trying to make you pay a price for this evening."

"Richard, in case I don't say it later, thank you again for this evening, and thank you for sharing these thoughts with me. I hope someday I'll love someone like you love Detective Beckett, and she'll love me back. Right now, I hope that's Alexis, but we'll have to work at it to see."

"Let's go join our ladies, shall we."

Martha, Alexis and Kate were standing at the entrance of the Broadhurst when they caught sight of the pair walking down the street. In spite of the cool temperature, it appeared more like a stroll than a walk, with Rick having his arm draped over Ashley's shoulder.

"Oh My God. What did he do?", Alexis sputtered.

A barely audible 'oh shit' escaped Kate's lips.

"Girls, girls, have a little more faith in my Richard." Martha whispered.

As the pair neared the entrance, Rick allowed Ashley to continue his way toward Alexis as he was stopped by some onlookers that had recognized him. Signing autographs and posing for cell phone pictures, he tried to make this interruption to their evening as brief as possible in order not to interfere with his family's personal time.

Approaching Alexis, Ashley greeted her, "Gosh Lex, you look amazing."

"Thanks, Ash. So do you." …...Trying to calm her anxiety, she added, "Did you and Dad get along alright?"

"Oh yeah. He was great. …...He really treated me like an adult. I wasn't expecting that, and...well...it was just really something. Let's go inside. I'll tell you all about it."

Finally able to leave the gathering crowd, Rick joined Martha and Kate, "Mother you look lovely as usual. I see you dipped into the safe for your jewelery this evening. Very becoming."

"Well it is Pacino, darling. One never knows whom you might get to meet."

As his eyes moved toward her, Kate took that moment to check out the granular structure of the entrance's walkway, "God, Kate, as always, you look absolutely stunning."

As she tried to avoid looking directly into his eyes, she quietly responded, "What did I tell you?" Unable to resist the need, the green eyes simply lost themselves in the blue ones, "Thank you." The coolness of the evening had now lost it's hold on at least these two individuals, but the heat of their passion would not be missed by the other party in their presence.

"Oh good Lord. Let's go inside before you two steal the velvet rope lines." With that declaration, Martha went to join Alexis and Ashley.

Shaking her head at the inference of Martha's words, Kate admonished him, "You never listen to me. …...You never do what I tell you to do. …...Now look. She knows what we were doing. …...Now I'm going to have to move out. …...Damn it."

Placing his hand on the small of her back to lead her into the theatre, Rick softly replied to her statement, "If that's what you want, that's fine. However, you'd better make sure that wherever you choose to go that it's big enough because there will be three other people moving with you."

"You're touching me."

"Every chance I get. God, you smell good too."

As the curtain descended and the house lights increased their glow, the audience moved toward the lobby area for the intermission. The family was directed to the VIP lounge and Rick secured beverages for Alexis and Ashley, and wine for himself, Kate and Martha. Noticing the somewhat distant look in Kate's eyes, he started to question her when Martha injected a question of her own, "Richard, did you arrange for us to visit backstage after the performance?"

"Mother, I did think about it, but I didn't get the opportunity to discuss it with Kate. My original thought was to merely provide the opportunity for the kids to enhance their appreciation for Shakespeare while experiencing the talents of a great actor. I wasn't sure whether they would have any real interest in meeting the man since he wouldn't generally be in anything that their generation found exciting."

As she started to leave to go speak with some fellow thespians that she had eyed across the room, she offered, "Well, you also escorted an older kid here this evening. See what you can do. I'll be back."

Turning to speak to her, Rick noticed that Kate was leaning back against the wall of the lounge with her eyes closed, "Kate, …...are you alright? …...Kate?"

"What?" she replied opening her eyes to look at him.

"Is that something you think I should do?"

"Is what something I think you should do?"

"You haven't been listening to us, have you?"

Shaking her head like she was trying to force oxygen to her brain, she took a rather large intake from the wine glass in her hand, …..."Something I think you should do is hope that Paula is as good at using your name to get things for you as you say she is, because you're going to have to get two more tickets to this play for a future night. …...I told you not to look at me tonight, and what do you do, you almost drill your eyes into mine before we even got inside the theatre. …...I told you not to touch me, but nooooooo, you almost put your hand on my ass when we did enter the theatre, and then you've been playing kneesies with me all the way up to the intermission. …...It's a good thing I've read this play on more than one occasion in case one of the kids asks me about something because sitting in there with one of the greatest actors of his generation probably giving a tour de force performance and all I can think about is your tongue on and in my body. …...So is that the something that I'm supposed to give you my opinion on?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I was asking you about. Wait here, I have to go make a request of someone. …...I love you, by the way."

"And I want a separate table at dinner tonight."

After five curtain calls, Rick led the family backstage to meet the play's star. Gracious as ever to the children, Pacino thanked them for coming and hoped that tonight's experience would see them returning to theatre performances on a regular basis. The 'older kid' also received encouragement to continue her career on the 'boards'. The man was anything but blind or lacking in intuition, and was captivated by the beauty and grace of a certain homicide detective.

They just made it under the wire to be able to eat in the private dining room at the Aureole. Kate's request for a separate table went unheeded. They dined on organic Scottish salmon, horseradish potato gnocchi, mustard greens, gala apples and red beets. For desert, a warm chocolate gingerbread with port poached figs and clotted cream.

As they exited the restaurant, their cars were waiting for them. Ashley said his thank yous and good nights to Martha and Kate, and extended his hand to Rick, "Thank you, Richard for making this night possible for us. I really appreciate everything that you allowed me to experience."

"You're quite welcome, Ashley. We will have to do this again. Say hello to your mother for us."

As they got in their separate cars, Rick leaned forward to give instructions, "Michael follow behind William at a discreet distance, okay?" From one seat over came, "Richard!". From beside him came a slap on the arm, as she said, "Michael, if you even think about following that car, I will cite you for driving under the influence of an idiot."

"Whatever you say, Detective." he replied as he smiled into the rear view mirror.

As they entered the loft, Martha drew Rick into an embrace, "Thank you, Richard for a lovely day and a marvelous evening." Mimicking her actions with Kate, "Darling, thank you for what you did for Alexis and Ashley. I'm sure they will be talking about it for days. I hope you are prepared for her when she comes home. My granddaughter has been waiting a long time for you, and so have I. Good night you two."

"We'll see you at breakfast, Mother."

"Make that brunch, kiddo", she called over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs.

Interlocking her fingers with his, she led him toward their bedroom, "Come on lover, let's get some sleep. …...And before you say a word, you're not waiting by the front door. If she wants to say anything, she'll come to us."

"But...

"Yes, you have a nice butt, but there will be no 'buts'. Come on."

Twenty minutes had passed since they had gotten into bed, half of which was filled by a satiated soul basking in the warmth of the day, while the other half contained a sentry on full alert, whose mind was already moving toward the creation of a fifteenth imagery. Finally, the key in the lock, and the opening and closing of the door allowed the sentry to stand down. They heard the footsteps climb the stairs, and the satiated soul rested her head on her sentry's chest, "You okay now?" …..."Better."

As they held one another, they could hear the soft patting of feet coming down the stairs, followed by a light tapping at the bedroom door, "Dad, Kate, can I come in?"

"Sure, pumpkin. Are you alright?"

Entering the room, Alexis climbed from the foot of the bed to a spot between its two occupants. Putting her arms around his neck, she began, "Thank you, Dad, for this entire day, for how you made Ashley feel, and for how you make me feel every day. You're just the bestest, and I love you so much."

"I love you, too, sweetie. I'm glad you had a good time."

As he turned his head to look toward Kate, he could see the glistening that had already started to form in her eyes, "Hey,...um...I'm going to go into the kitchen to get a drink of water. I'll be right back."

As Rick left the bed, Alexis wrapped her arms around Kate, placing her head on her chest. Kate in turn circled her body with her arms. It was only minutes, but it seemed like hours as the embrace grew tighter with every passing second. "Lexie, I love you. …...Hopefully, this will be just the first of many things we'll get to share with one another. …...I love your father in such a special way, but I love you and your grandmother as well. …...I'm not your mother, but no one will ever take you or your father away from me. We missed a lot of years together, …...but we're not going to miss any more. We're going to build our own memories. …...Things aren't always going to be like tonight. …...We're going to disagree and get mad at one another, and we're going to have to deal with all of the things that life throws at us. …...But, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not about to let you go anywhere. You're stuck with me."

"I don't want it any other way, Kate. The things that Dad talked to Ashley about tonight were just unbelievable. He could have kidded him about young love or puppy love, but he didn't. He just challenged him to see the world as it is and to see our relationship as it is, realizing that there is nothing out there that doesn't come to you without putting in the work for it. …...Dad shared how much he loves Gram and me, and Ashley was just blown away by his ability to say how much he loves you. …...We've waited so long for you to come back. I know I'm not very big, but you'll have to fight me to ever leave us. …...Outside of carrying me in your body and giving birth to me, you have been more of a mother to me in these last months than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. …...I'll call you Kate, …...but I might slip sometimes. To my friends you will be referred to as my mom. If you can't deal with that, we might turn the end of a beautiful day into our first fight."

"I'm not trying to take anyone's place, Lex, but I'm going to be here for you, and you know your father will always be here. I'm not Meredith, and I'm not Gina. Our experiences will shape our relationship."

"Thanks for today, Kate. It couldn't have been any more special. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Go have fanciful dreams. Sleep in because we're having brunch tomorrow."

As Alexis left the room, Kate went in search of Rick. She found him at the counter in the kitchen sipping a bottle of water. "How's your jaw feel after today?"

"It's a little sore, but the pleasure of learning is well worth it. Alexis alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine. You certainly must have mesmerized Ashley."

"I have no idea how I got to talking about those kinds of things. On the way over to his house, I just started rolling us over in my mind, and it must just have flowed from there. I didn't scare him did I?"

"No, he'll survive. He may get disappointed by other adults that don't treat him in the same manner, but I'm sure he'll be just fine. …...Rick, I pretty much committed myself to Alexis in there. I guess this is another instance when I didn't consult you first."

"You have any thoughts about committing yourself to her father."

_A/N:_

_Based on the fewer commentaries, I think I may have overstepped with the last chapter, so I apologize if I did. Hence, I thought that I might just leave this here. That is why this chapter is so long. I can use it as an ending, and/or move on to other projected experiences: the relationship; their work together; a contemplated new book, GLOBAL HEAT (as Interpol and international travel become a necessity for the writer and the detective); and the various life struggles that we all face._

_This section of their story is somewhat different than what the series has been able to demonstrate so far, but I think it is important to recognize that the Castle character is the best depiction of a television 'father figure' in decades. I also feel that the Beckett character has the capacity to blow people away with her maternal instincts. There is too much tripe out there. Now that these two characters have been forced to face their demons, I feel that the viewing audience should be allowed to relish in their love and compassion. The Castle character did a helluva job getting Alexis to where she is today. The Castle couple will do an even better job of getting her to independence. There is also the factor that the sexual tension does not end after courtship, it only increases because the understanding and desire increases, and the opportunity to act on it increases; the professional partnership may take on a different appearance, but it to will be enhanced by their new 'closeness'; and the responsibility of parenthood just makes the whole relationship fully grounded. This series has the opportunity to reveal all of these facets, I hope that it's not squandered._

_Thank you for your thoughts._


End file.
